How To Get Your Ex Back - 3 Step Plan

How To Get Your Ex Back – 3 Step Plan

breakups are reversible

In most cases it’s possible to reverse a breakup. Is yours?

Are you hurting from a breakup?

Does everyone you talk to tells you that it’s over, to let it go and move on?

But what if it didn’t have to be over?

What if you want to fight for this relationship and win your ex back?

My name is Kevin, and I am writing this 3 Step plan to help you get your ex back, even if you think your situation is hopeless.

Breakup is a terrible experience. It leaves you in pain, feeling depressed, angry and often very confused. It is common to be needy at this time. But if you want to be together with your ex, you will have to be calm, unresentful, and HAVE A PLAN. Most of the breakups are reversible and if you do the right things at the right time, then you will have your ex back in your arms.

I am here to help you devise that plan. Don’t worry, it’s not some mind tricks that you will have to play on your ex. Playing mind tricks is not the way to go if you want to have a long term healthy relationship with your ex. This plan is based on human psychology and how to use its principles to have a happy relationship with your ex. I encourage you to read everything in this 3 STEP PLAN and then take action. I can only tell you what to do, but until you actually do it, you won’t see any results.

In the first part of this 3 STEP PLAN, I am going to tell you what are the biggest mistakes that people make after they’ve broken up. These extremely common mistakes end up hurting your chances of getting back together. This is perhaps the most important part of this series so make sure you read each and every point and follow it.

#1 Begging, Pleading, Being Too Needy

begging and pleading won't get your ex back

After a breakup people make the biggest mistake of begging their ex to take them back. I know it seems like the right thing to do right after a breakup BUT IT’S NOT. In fact, it is the worst thing you can do at this moment.

Nobody wants to be with a needy person. Pleading and being needy is unattractive and is only going to push your ex further away from you. It will only make them think that they made the right decision by breaking up with you.

#2 The Doormat Syndrome

Being a doormat won't get your ex back

The Doormat Syndrome in relationships is going out of your way, sacrificing your own happiness to please your partner. It means accepting everything that your partner wants you to do without having any demands of your own just to get back with them.

If you find yourself saying things like, “Please stay, I will do anything for you” then you may be suffering from the doormat syndrome.

You don’t want that. Nobody wants that and for two very solid reasons –

a) It’s unattractive. Nobody is attracted to someone who doesn’t have their own opinion, needs, or their hobbies. So being a doormat will most likely be futile if you want your ex back.

b) Even if it does work, you will have an unhappy and smothering relationship which probably won’t last very long. And I am sure that’s not what you want.

#3 Text Terrorism and Drunk Dialing

drunk dialing will hurt your chances of getting your ex back

Alcohol and phone DO NOT go together

This is again a very common mistake and yet detrimental to your chances of getting back together with your ex. People go out to have a few drinks trying to have a good time and the next thing they know they are calling their ex and making a fool out of themselves. Avoid this at all cost.

You have to make yourself scarce if you want to be together with your ex (explained in STEP 2 of this plan). Texting them all the time and calling them just shows that you are too needy and don’t have anything else to do. As I said before, being needy is unattractive and you want to avoid this at all cost.

#4 Smothering Them With Affection

I love you is not something your ex wants to hear right now

Saying “I love you” will NOT help your case

The logical approach to get your ex back seems that you should tell them how much you care for them and how much you love them as soon as possible before it’s too late. But trust me it’s not a good idea.

Well, chances are your ex knows that you love them and they know how much you care for them. In fact, if they were in a relationship with you, then they care for you too. But they decided to breakup anyways, didn’t they?

“I love you” and “I really really care for you” isn’t what your ex needs to hear right now. Smothering them with affection may even push them further away.


#5 Giving Them All The Power

At this point, even if it was your ex who broke up with you, you don’t want to give them all the power. You don’t want to be the one who is always available for them. You don’t want to be their contingency plan.

Acting like your life is over without your ex will only lose their respect for you. In the history of breakups, no one has ever taken their ex back out of pity. So, doing such a thing is only going to hurt your chances.

nobody takes their ex back out of pity

No one takes their ex back out of pity. Not even this kid’s ex.

#6 Freaking Out When Your Ex Starts Seeing Someone Else

After a breakup, you feel depressed, angry confused, shattered, and are really hurting. At this moment, if your ex starts seeing someone else, it just tears you apart. You feel even more depressed and confused. And usually, when your ex is in this rebound relationship, they seem to become too intimate too fast, which makes it even worse for you, for example it took them 5 months to get physical with you and they are already sleeping with this new person who they are going with for only a week.

In this situation, DON’T FREAK OUT. Rebound relationships happen after a break up, it’s very very normal. But the good news is that they don’t last. And the reason why they became so intimate with this new person so fast is because it’s hard for a person to go from being so intimate with someone to being completely single. That is why most people (especially girls) will become intimate very soon with their rebound relationship because they are trying to get to that level of intimacy that they had with you. But usually, the faster the rebound relationship progresses, the faster it ends. They will soon realize that the new person isn’t right for them and they were just being intimate to quench their thirst for intimacy. And once they do realize it, they will break up with them.

rebound relationships

Rebound Relationships are like Ice Creams. They aren't healthy and they don't last long.

So if your ex is seeing someone else, all you have to do is just be cool about it. That’s all. Sometimes, they start seeing someone else just to rub in your face that they are moving on. And you should not react to their relationship by telling them they are doing a mistake and they shouldn’t be seeing this new person. This is because if you tell someone to don’t do something, then you can rest assured that is exactly what they will do. In fact, if you do so they will go to the extent of prolonging their rebound relationship just to prove you wrong.

Instead if you do something opposite, and act indifferent to their new relationship and just concentrate on your own life (career, hobbies etc.), it will get them thinking. And their rebound relationship will end soon like all other rebound relationships.

Now the above mistakes look innocent but are fatal for your chances to get back together with your ex. So make sure you don’t do them. I know most of the advice I gave above is counter-intuitive, BUT IT WORKS.

At this point, you may be thinking what if I’ve already made these mistakes?

Don’t worry if you’ve already made these mistakes. Like I said, they are very common and chances are that most of you reading this would have already made some of these mistakes. It’s still not too late. You still have a good chance of getting your ex back. I just ask you to not make any of these mistakes anymore. If need be; print this page out and keep it with you all the time so you don’t do any of these mistake again.

Now That we have covered what you need to avoid, we can move forward to what you need to do. Click below for Step 2.


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Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Josh March 17, 2012, 7:39 pm

    Being away for some time my ex got in a relationship with some guy but when I came back she shows me that she still loves me…..what should I do? Should I move on or what?

  • CJ March 17, 2012, 9:31 pm

    Please do tell me how I’m going to get him back after being apart for so long, plus we don’t even live close together so it’s not like I’m going to run into him. So I want to know how I’m going to get him to spend time with me and how I will get him back or get him to want me.

  • Darryl March 18, 2012, 9:47 am

    I’m 23 and she’s 18. We’re been dating for about 5months-almost 6 months-since towards the end of September last year. Currently, I’m in the conscripted army and due to personal commitments, sees her for around 2-3 times a week. I usually see her on the weekends and once on the weekday’s evening. When we got together, I told her I was under depression and on medication for it and if I chose to break up with her, it would be because I could not, in all fairness, commit to the relationship due to my condition. I sank into depression due to a previous informal relationship which ended on me being cheated. I also told her I would be heading overseas for my studies in 2013. She was fine by it. She lives about 15mins bus ride away from me.

    Everything went fine and I begun feeling much happier and relied less on my drugs -or so I thought-until a few weeks ago when she begun tearing when I sent her home. We have never argued once.
    I knew something was a missed but she wouldn’t admit to anything until we communicated via text. She said she felt insecure, afraid, and confused as regards my overseas studies and my lack of time spent with her. Further, she told me she’s no longer happy being in a relationship with me. A few days later, I met her up and broke up with her. She cried a lot and as I walked her back to her place, she gave me a hug and told me she wants sometime to think over the entire situation and that we should not break up at this point. I agreed to it.
    After a few days, we met, and we agreed to build on this relationship to our best even when I’m overseas. I assured her that I did not expect her to hang on if she couldn’t handle the pressure of my presence overseas but we should at least make the best effort to maintain the relationship. Even after agreeing to be together, she looked really worried and depressed the entire day.

    I told her it would be the best if she thought about it again and she agreed. The day after, we met and petted and in the midst of it we agreed to work on the relationship.

    A few days ago, after she came back from an overseas holiday with her family, I noticed she behaved slightly less expressive towards me, was less warmer and no longer made the time to meet me as she would have. Over the phone, I posed my suspicions if she regretted being in the relationship with me and if she had any feelings for me. She was silent and begun breaking down. We hung out and text. She told me she felt like she could no longer open her heart to me, and subsequently, she told me she no longer had any feelings for me.I anticipated this to come, with all consideration of her needs and wants at her age. It, however, hurt and saddened me tremendously. We broke up on Wednesday night. Someone whom said she would stood by me and never leave me to someone who said she no longer had any feelings for me and its in my best interest to be with someone better.

    On Friday night, I met her to express my thoughts and officially end the relationship. As I was walking her her back to her place, she stopped, looked at me and shook her head from left to right, and didn’t want to proceed. I didn’t know what she wanted. But she gave me a hug before I sent her home.

    I talked to her over the phone for over two hours last night and she persistently and very surely said she no longer have any feelings for me and she doesn’t have to think about it anymore. Her tone very so cold and rock-solid.

    Finally, I said we’ll go no contact for 2 months to sort out our thoughts, contacting only on the last day of May and she agree. I hurt her so much by not spending Christmas with her, not spending new year’s eve and new year with her and as well as Valentine’s day with her.

    We agree to meet next week for me to pass her some stuffs-photos of us and letters-before going on no contact. Is this relationship a lost cause? I don’t want to let it go just like that. At the same time, I am unable to discern if what she’s saying now is due to her overwhelming hurt and disappointment.

  • VAnessa March 18, 2012, 4:36 pm

    Hi, what about people who have mood problems or other issues? I’ve ADHD and this can affect my mood and I go through depression as well. ADHD affects my impulses. Though it seems odd, I do consider myself fairly laid back and amiable, it’s just sometimes my brain does things.
    Lots of places I see say try to heal yourself, get over the depression but although sometimes I’m on medication, they will never fully get rid of my impulsivity, my low moods. I do have therapy to help with the associated issues like low self esteem but in the end this is my biology. So what can I do? Does this mean I’m doomed to never finding anyone? My issues will take some time to resolve, the way things are going probably when I’m 50, I’m 32 now. I will rather not be alone for the next 18 years personally. And I get fatigue so I can’t always be as active as I want.
    I’m sure I’m not the only one.

  • CJ March 18, 2012, 8:32 pm

    So I got him to contact me and he’s going to call tomorrow, What should I say?

  • johnny March 19, 2012, 2:16 am

    My girlfriend just broke up with me tonight and I have never felt worse. She is already seeing other people. I really want her back and had no idea what to do until I came here. I don’t think I want the slut back now. What am I saying hell yes I do. I feel so confused would making her jealous help or maybe the new guy needs a fist to the mouth even though that would not help. I might do it anyways.

  • Jenny March 19, 2012, 3:19 am

    Okay, one thing you going to her house is just messed up. No way you are gonna get her back with that. And Girls have PMS all the time I’m sure she didn’t mean it! Just you need to text her not go to her house or call her or set up a date or what ever! Tell her how you feel and if she feels the same way then call her. Take it step by step, little baby ones, not engagement on the 2nd date, that will freak her out! Let her know you’re there for her whenever you need her!

  • Amu March 19, 2012, 12:45 pm

    Hi, need help. my ex boyfriend called my recent boyfriend and told him not to call me anymore. I tried to explain to my boyfriend that the dude was just jealous that I’m now seeing him but he doesn’t wanna take my story. I love this guy and had been with him for 3 weeks but now we don’t contact each other anymore. What must I do?

  • burgundy March 20, 2012, 4:34 am

    So my boyfriend broke up with me about a month and a half ago and we had not contacted each other since. I have kept up well with the no contact rule, and not at one point after the break up did I act clingy or needy. I kept all my facebook status very positive as you said and took the time to work on myself, and I feel great!

    However, this morning, I got an email from my ex that said:


    I’m sorry that its been more than a month I haven’t tried to call or anything, because I just couldn’t think what to say, besides sorry. I just didn’t know how to say it or what to say, I guess I still don’t. I know I broke up with you when it wasn’t the best time for you and that was selfish of me, but I still needed to and it was hard for me. I’m really not happy with how I left things, and wish I could be friends with you still, and also just want to know how you’re doing. I understand if you’d rather not be friends, but I miss your friendship and I just really hope you’re doing well. I don’t know, get back to me if you want, whenever even if it’s a long time or not at all I understand..

    I do still have strong feelings for him and there are so many things that I want to tell him. But you said the best thing is to keep things light and emotion-free. He mentions in his email that he misses my friendship and wants to be friends. What exactly does he mean by that? And should I stay friend with him even though I want him back? I have already composed a reply to send to him which i based off of the magic letter guidelines:


    It’s nice to hear from you and I understand your reasoning for not contacting over the month’s period. We both just needed some time apart to heal.

    I just want to let you know that I respect your decision to end things and that I saw it coming for a while. It just didn’t feel right. Also, I would like to apologize for how I acted during the break-up. It wasn’t right for me to force you into something you didn’t want; it was disrespectful, and for that I am truly sorry.

    I have been very well actually. Busy as usual, but trying to enjoy the nice weather. Oh, something happened regarding me and CLK the other day. Didn’t expect it, but still very excited!

    I hope you’re also doing well, and even though I would like to remain friends, I’m not sure that I can. I still need some time to process.

    I would just like to know when the best time is to send the reply and if what i put to get is proper.


  • lou March 20, 2012, 7:31 pm

    I have just recently fallen head over heals with a man and he showed me lots of love and attention and now he’s told me he’s not ready for a relationship. He still wants me in his life as a special friend and said from time to we can meet up but its on his terms only. I have read your plan so I’m going to give it a try. I have already done the texting thing and possibly came across as needy. I just miss him so much my heart aches and I can hardly breathe. I need to regain my thoughts and be calm and stop panicking. I have never felt this way about a man before maybe its because I can’t have him, who knows? He Lives 100 miles away from me so there is distance so I won’t see him … I just hope and pray this plan works but after a few months I hope to be in a better place than I am now.

  • Josh March 21, 2012, 3:48 am

    My girlfriend broke up with me saying she wasn’t ready for a relationship, I asked all her friends if this was true and they said that she’s never really had a bf. I was basically her first and they said she was scared I want to show her that I won’t hurt her. I’m a guy that isn’t looking for anything physical I am 16 and I’ve never made out with a girl. I was raised with very strict Christian morals and so was she I want to get her back, I just don’t know how to do it.

  • Sarena March 21, 2012, 8:13 am

    I met my boyfriend online, I never wanted to get into any kind of relationship since my life and experience are too drama-like and people usually don’t take it. But he did, unlike others, he was genuine, it took me a year to know he was. Now he feels as if I’m lying to him about everything, and that he’s not important to me and decided to dump me two hours ago since I wasn’t willing to let go. Right now, he’s not answering my calls and told me he would not be answering any of my calls in the future and he would barely reply to my emails.
    Like other couples, we have been through a lot. It just hurts me that he didn’t turn out what he said he would be. But, I would like to try to get back together with him in the future since it brought out the best of both of us.
    I hurt him. I was acting like a text terrorist, I began being stupid and started hurting myself knowing it would be hard living without him.
    I’m lost, I can’t fly out there right now due to the responsibilities I have over here. An advice would be much appreciated.

  • Crystal March 21, 2012, 10:07 pm

    About 2 or 3 years ago I met this guy named Austin and I dated him for like a few days to a week then he would break up with me. A few days later he would ask me out and I always said yes. Well we dated for 2 years on and off. Anyway he dated me and his ex with some other girl at once so me and his other girl Brittany broke up with him while his ex Kayla wouldn’t. About 3 or 4 years after our break up he texts me and asks me if I know the number he texts me from and I said yes but the problem is that I’m depressed. I miss him and I don’t think anyone or anything could replace it. My friend is trying to get us back together but I don’t think he would. When we had to go to school we still stayed up all night on the phone then when we got home we would be on the phone til the next day. I really can’t explain it but I’ve been depressed, cried a lot, pray for us to be together and much more. Please help me I don’t know what to do!!

  • Chris March 23, 2012, 12:17 am

    Hi, I just split up with my girlfriend of 7 years. We were great together, completely in love and talked about marriage and growing old together, we traveled the world together, everyone knows us as a perfect couple, we never fought always laughed together… however the last 2 years have been very difficult. We have been living together for over 5 years but the last 2 years have been a stressful living situation as I had to take in a friend that was in need. I also started my own business which kept me extremely busy.

    I am completely devastated, hurt, lost and just want her back. I love her completely. We had a few discussions before she left about trying to work things out, and she felt I took her for granted…I had stopped treating her with appreciation and love. I agreed that I have to be more romantic and be an equal partner in the relationship. Over the course of the following days I showed her love and appreciation, treated her like I had done in the past however she still wanted out. She said she needed time and space to figure out what she wants. I told her I would not give up on us but I would give her space that she wanted. She said she still loved me and care a lot about me but was just hurting.

    She moved out but left a lot of stuff. She came over 7 days later to pick up some more things and we talked for an hour…I told her that I took some time to think and that I wanted her to know how I felt about her, that I love her and that I want her back and that I want to grow old with her…she said why didn’t I feel that way for the last 2 years. I told her I would show her that I am still that man she fell in love with and that I would win her heart back….she said she is looking forward to that…

    I have read your steps and will follow them, but if anyone has any advise please let me know!

  • sirine March 23, 2012, 12:21 pm

    Hey! I broke up with my ex 7 months ago, I was desperate and I asked him to come back to me more than once. A month ago he started dating another girl but she left him. He is single now and I told him that I will be there for him but this isn’t working. I’m still in love with him but he seems so not caring about me. I know it’s kinda impossible but can you help me

    P.S The last time i asked him back was like two months ago but he said he just wants to be single.

  • anthony March 23, 2012, 1:17 pm

    I feel all of those thing because I love my ex girlfriend. She is the mother of my child. I want her back so bad because she was my first love. Yeah I was a player back in the day, but when I started dating her I change a lot and I love her so much that I tear myself apart and I eat but it doesn’t stay down.

  • Ethan March 24, 2012, 2:15 am

    Well…I was in a long distance relationship. My ex and I were together for about a year, but in those twelve months we broke up about twelve times. But the relationship ending horribly was my fault, I told her I’d come see her and that I’d pay for her to get here to see me sometime, but I was too scared of what she’d think of me..among other personal things. All I want is a family with her because honestly she is perfect for me and I…was perfect for her. I might as well be honest, gaming took over my life and because of that I hardly ever go out or do anything. It also made me angry all the time and now I’m trying to change everything. I cry day in day out thinking that I’ll never have a family with the girl I love, she still loves me but isn’t ready to be with me and I’m not ready either but I’m willing to change for myself and for her. Most people would say that I’m too young to be thinking about having a family and whatever but it’s my life. Please if you can, help me figure out what I’m doing wrong and what I need to do. I’m going to die young so I have to live fast, this is true, I’m not attention seeking, I’m not like that. But anyway I really need to change and get her back, I want a life. Please help.

  • aret March 27, 2012, 6:20 pm

    My lost love of more than 2 decades, married, returned to me with promises of giving me a good time. I am not looking for commitment, but good time, because of left over emotions. He was all over me, but soon as I gave in, he took off without any explanation. I want him back.

  • ash March 27, 2012, 8:58 pm

    Hi there my bf broke up with me after 2 years of relationship..we were fighting too much..why I was fighting? Because I was just sitting at home and we never go out like a couple. I had loads of problem but he was never here to help. So today he brought all my stuff to my apartment and he said to me if ever I need something I know where to find him. he never accept his own fault..he never says sorry…he always wanted to get rid of me I always beg him not to go..but am tired of licking ass every time. Can you help me to win him back?

  • maranda March 27, 2012, 9:12 pm

    My boyfriend well “ex” now. We’ve been dating for almost 3 month. Well he just broke up with me on Monday and said he didn’t feel the same, then 10 min after that he said he feel like a fool we really love each other, then was like can you take me back, so I did and we went fine till he broke up with me the next day. He said he don’t know what to do and just wants to be friends. But gosh idk cause I really love him and I still cry and feel horrible pain he said it. But I feel like it was me!!! Idk but now I do bad things and get worse like want to hurt myself…. kill myself I just don’t know what to do??? I’m confused and my parents know we broke up but they still say how much they like him. And crap try tell me to move on and get a life. And I’m trying but it is hard:( I really love him and miss him. I wanna be with him bad but idk what to do, I still have his jacket:( I sleep with it, wear it, hug it I cry on it too cause it make me think he still there holding my hand! Please help me. Idk what to do! I still text him, but not a lot as we use to. Gosh I’m in love with him and I feel like crying when I think about him and when I don’t cause he was always by my side. HELP

  • Nicole March 28, 2012, 3:17 am

    Hey my name is Nicole and about 3 weeks ago my boyfriend broke up with me after I got upset at him for skipping school. Before that we would fight over little things, mostly due to the fact that we would hangout every single day and he would want to hangout with his friend and begin to cancel plans on me and not show up on time. He tried to ask for a break a few times but I didn’t want to do it. Right now we are broken up but not on Facebook and were talking more this week and we even have hooked up a few times and we both like it. He says If I change then we could get back together, because I have been controlling of him by telling him not to do dangerous things and I was always worried about him. At first when he told me that he wanted to break up I was devastated and basically did all the wrong things, I begged for him to take me back, I told him how much I loved him, and I would text him long messages about how I feel, now I see I went about everything the wrong way. I know that if I do show that I’m starting to change then he would take another chance, but the thing is I’m afraid that he might use all of this to his advantage even though he has his own set of issues and also I’m afraid that when we do actually get back together that he’s gonna try to keep it a secret so his friend doesn’t get pissed at him (his friend hated me before we started dating). What do I do? And when we do get back together I know that we have to learn how to communicate with each other but what all could we do? Help!!

  • Amanda March 29, 2012, 12:11 am

    My bf and I were together for a year and a half.. What basically broke us up was I got injured and was unable to walk so I had to have surgery and I was also put on hormones which made me feel insanely depressed.. Since I couldn’t walk, I couldn’t go see friends or family and for 3 months while I was recovering, the only person I really saw was him, so when he’d leave to go to work I would cry because I know that I would be alone for 10 hours.. things just got worse from there.. since I couldn’t move, I just stayed on bed-rest, so he’d want to go do stuff, but I couldn’t and he would stay, but I knew it bothered him because before I got hurt we would always go places and do things. Then I started to get really insecure, because who wants to sit at home with their partner when all they do is cry and lay in bed? So I started telling him he was going to end up cheating on me (because there was this girl at work that really wanted him, even though she already had a bf).. Eventually all we did was fight and I’d cry, but finally I started to get better and was able to walk around more, but the damage was done. He ended up cheating on me and then he left me for the girl he cheated on me with. They moved in after only a week of being together, but he would call me the second that he would drop her off at work so that we could hang out (I never made a move on him while he was with her, because I feel that it’s wrong, even though she did it to me) They are still together after 8 months, but he seems miserable.. I sent him a picture of our dog we had and a sign saying “happy birthday” and she freaked out on him. She is insanely jealous and he isn’t allowed to talk to other girls, even girls at work. He is their manager and the girls will talk to him and he will tell me how his girlfriend will freak out, even though he didn’t do anything wrong.. she once gauged out pictures of a girl where they work just because she was his friend. We were both there for each other and we became each others best friends, I can tell that our friendship is stronger now then how it was when we were together. I finally told him I love him still and that I want to be with him and he told me that he won’t date me.. he said there were too many problems in our relationship and he thought we didn’t work well together, but I am his best friend and he cares so much about me and doesn’t want to lose me because I am the only one he can count on and the only one who listens to him. I feel like he is just looking at the end of our relationship when things were bad. I think our relationship wasn’t given a fair shot.. we started dating a few months after my best friend and mother died and then I became injured and sick, now I am better and have matured and understand how I was insecure and didn’t handle my emotions well and I am off of the hormones, so I feel like myself again. How do I get him to remember the amazing times? If I’m his best friend and he’s attracted to me, why wouldn’t he date me? I hate my situation so much because all I want is for him to be happy, but it’s so hard watching him be with this other girl because she treats him bad.. so do I just stop talking to him and lose my best friend?