13 Ways To Tell If Your Relationship With Your Ex Was Toxic

When you feel rejected and lonely after the breakup, it is a knee jerk reaction to want to get back together. It is quite common for people to forget the true nature of their relationship in this stage. If the relationship was toxic, I will suggest that you just let them go and move on with your life.

toxic relationship

If your relationship with the ex was toxic, it’s best to just move on

Dr. Lillian Glass, author of Toxic People, describes a toxic person as “anyone who manages to drag you down, make you feel angry, worn out, deflated, belittled or confused.” You may find it difficult to admit that you were in a toxic relationship, especially after you broke up. Here are a few ways to tell if your relationship was (or is) toxic.

1. You used to feel sad or depressed about your relationship. You sometimes even cried on it.

2. Your ex wanted you to be always dependent on them.

3. When your ex did something for you, they used it to make you feel obligated.

4. Your ex didn’t want to see or talk to your friends or family.

5. Your ex opened your emails occasionally or showed up at your work unannounced.

6. Your ex said that the relationship would be much better if you would change.

7. You have gone out of your way many times to suit your ex’s demands.

8. You used to be afraid to speak the truth to your ex. You used to be walking on eggshells with your ex.

9. Your ex often used to accuse you of cheating and was overly jealous.

10. Your ex made you feel stupid or unimportant.

11. Your ex used to put you down verbally in private or in public.

12. You felt you didn’t have control of your life while you were with your ex.

13. Your opinion, accomplishment and thoughts were always devalued or neglected.

If you were in a toxic relationship you should be glad that it’s over now. If you are still in a toxic relationship, you can probably always sense that something is not right. In that situation, it will be best to just end the relationship somehow. If you feel it’ll be hard, then you should talk to your friends and family to get you out of it. If you are threatened and feel you are in danger, you can call The National Domestic Violence Hotline, (800) 799-SAFE.

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Joe December 17, 2011, 6:06 pm

    What if I was the toxic one in the relationship and I got dumped. How do I make sure I don’t make the same mistakes and change for the better?

    • Claire January 16, 2012, 10:59 am

      Joe, what makes you think you were the toxic party?

    • Claire January 16, 2012, 11:21 am

      The reason I ask is that your comment is very surprising to me — nearly all articles I’ve read says that the toxic party is almost never able to be self-aware that way. That’s the biggest obstacle to overcoming the problems. There are tons of material on the Internet about dealing with toxic thinking and behavior patterns. Read about them and reflect on how they apply to you and yours. Find a psychologist or support group to help guide you. Tell your (ex) and other people whom were hurt that you recognize the issues, apologize sincerely, then SHOW them by following through with actions dealing with the problems. Always remember actions speak louder than words. It IS important to verbally apologize, but if you really were repeatedly toxic (abusive), then it is likely the apology will only be the first necessary step to them. More important is what you do now and going forward to improve. Your ex and others will notice over time. Remember that improvements are not a quick one-time fix — expect to invest plenty of time, conscious efforts, mistakes, and restarts. Those who care about you will continue watching or even start helping. It really depends on you, the situation, and where they are at now at this time with you. Don’t give up, Joe, you are improving on the toxic issues not just for your ex and others, but for yourself most of all. All the best.