Breaking up with someone is a hard thing to do. Even if it is you who wants to end the relationship, you will always find it difficult to convey to your partner that you no longer want them in your life. If you are the one who broke up with your ex, then you know it’s not easy giving them the bad news. On the other hand, if you were the one who was dumped, you need to realize that your ex said what they said because they thought that was the best way to give you the news.
The last sentence might be a little confusing. So let me clarify it. Everyone is different in the way they see the world. Even though what your ex said to you while breaking up might have left you in tears and heartbroken and sad, your ex did try their best to give you the news in the least hurtful way they could. The clichés like “It’s not you, it’s me” were made because they tend to reduce pain of the breakup. Or at least, people think that they reduce the pain of the breakup. Even though most of the time, they just leave the person confused and disoriented.
Let us examine different types of dumpers and the way they tend to breakup with someone.
The coward is someone who will go to any extent to avoid confrontation and conflict during breaking up. They might piggy back on some incident for breaking up. They will try to get it over as soon as possible. In some cases, they might even do it over a phone or an email. The reason why these people do this is simple because they are too afraid to face the consequence of directly facing their partner.
The Serious Talker
A person who will actually talk about how they feel about the relationship and why they want to end it, a serious talker is a responsible person who actually cares about the other person’s feelings and wants to give them a good reason for breaking up. The breakup usually starts with something like “We need to talk” and goes on to talk about why they want to end the relationship. Some of the serious talkers might use some old clichés in an attempt to minimize the pain of the breakup. But their intentions are good and they want to make the experience as less hurtful as possible for the dumpee.
This is the person who really doesn’t care about the other person’s feelings at all. All they care about is ending the relationship and moving on with their life. This is the coldest type of dumper and in my opinion, they are not worth pursuing. In some cases, they will just suddenly end all contact and cut all communications and move on with their lives.
If your ex used to be argumentative and blaming you near the end of relationship, chances are that they fall into this category. The blamer usually feels the need to blame the failure of the relationship on the other person and refuses to accept their responsibility. Since it is the other person’s fault that the relationship didn’t work, their conscience is clear and they don’t have to accept the responsibility of breaking up with the other person. They can go around telling their friends how it was your fault that the breakup happened and they didn’t have an option. In reality, the blamer is just trying their best to NOT face the reality and just skip ahead quickly to the next relationship. But unless they do face the truth and realize what exactly went wrong in the relationship, chances are their next relationship will fail exactly like this one.
In reality, there is no good way to end a relationship. No matter how much you try, things do get ugly. However, for your own sake, you need to stop concentrating on what and how they broke up with you and start planning on the future. Trying to find out what they meant when they said “we need to spend some time alone and maybe we will get back together in the future” or “you need to be happy with yourself first and my feelings could change again” or “I just don’t love you anymore, these things happen”; will only drive you crazy. Almost everything they said during the breakup was meant to make the breakup less hurtful for you. What you need to do at this moment is try to stop thinking about what they said, and start concentrating on yourself as explained in step 2 of the 3 step plan to get ex back.
Ex Recovery System by Ashley Kay