Why Did Your Ex Leave You?

Why your ex left  youIn a breakup, it is very common for someone to give some lame excuse for breaking up. Sometimes, they don’t even know why they are leaving. If your ex didn’t tell you the exact reason for breaking up with you, then I am sure you are always thinking why your ex left you. Well, every relationship is unique and so is every breakup. I can’t tell you what the reason for the breakup was in each particular case. But in most of the cases, there was something missing in the relationship that made them end it.

In some cases, even they don’t know exactly what was wrong with the relationship. All they knew was they weren’t satisfied with it and they wanted to end it. In such a case, they will probably say something like

“I am not attracted to you anymore. These things happen, you just can’t explain it”

Or

“I am not in love with you anymore. I think we were made to be just friends.”

They are not intentionally lying, so don’t try to pry out a more a solid reason out of them.

You need to learn about the three important pillars of a relationship and find out which one lacked in your relationship. Every relationship needs three things

1. Love/ Connection/ Attraction – How much attracted you both are to each other. After the honeymoon stage of a relationship, the attraction starts to fade away and if you don’t know how to maintain it, your lover might soon start thinking that the relationship is not right for them. If this was your problem, then I have good news for you. You can create the attraction once again (by following the 3 step plan to win your love back). Since they were attracted to you at one point of time, it is very likely that they will be attracted to you once again. You just need to make the right moves at the right time.

2. Intimacy/ Sex – Were they not satisfied sexually? Although this is not as big a reason as no. 1, there can be some cases where the lover leaves because of lack of intimacy.

3. Security – Both Men and Women need a sense of security in a relationship. We need a certain someone to be always there for us. Do you feel like you can always rely on your partner no matter what? Is there a future in the relationship?

No matter what the reason for the breakup was, you can always work on the relationship together. The sad part is your partner has already broken up with you without working on the issues. But the good news is that you can still make your relationship work again if you follow the 3 step plan.

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How to React When You Meet Your Ex at a Party?

If you’ve read the 3 Step plan, then you know that I highly recommend not contacting your ex for a short period of time when you are working on getting your ex back.

But, what should you do if you meet your ex at a party? Should you snub them? Should you go to them and start pouring your heart out? Should you have a drink with them?

Well, if you find yourself at a party with your ex and you are still in the no contact period. Here is what you need to do.

As soon as you enter the party, find a group of people you can feel comfortable with and hang out with throughout the night. Stick with the group of people for most of the time.

You don’t want to start talking to your ex right now because you are in the no contact period and talking to them might really screw up the main purpose of the no contact period. However, you also don’t just want to blatantly ignore them because that will be rude.

Ideally, you want your ex to come and talk to you. If they do come and talk to you, just a little chit chat won’t hurt anyone. Make sure you have an excuse to get away from the conversation. Try to keep it as brief as possible. Once the conversation has run its course or you feel it’s getting longer than it has to be, just make up something quickly and get away from them. You don’t even have to make up something, just tell them that you’ve got to get going or you have to get back to your friends. Be CORDIAL and TENDER. You absolutely must give the impression that you are having a good time at the party. But don’t overdo it, so it becomes obvious that you are trying to make them jealous.

If your ex doesn’t come to talk to you, just say a quick Hi right before you are about to leave. Like I said, keep it short and sweet.

Make sure that you moderate your alcohol consumption in a party where your ex is present. If you get drunk, then I guarantee you that you’ll do something stupid which will just blow your chances of getting back together.

party like a rockstar

Party like a Rockstar..But don’t do anything that you might regret

If you and your ex work at the same office, you can use the same formula of conversations whenever you feel it is impossible to avoid a conversation. Keep it short and sweet. Resist that temptation to talk about the past, the future, getting back together, asking them out for a date, or anything that isn’t allowed in the no-contact period. Remember, there is a time for everything and if you just follow the plan, you will become immensely attractive to your ex which will just make them fall in love with you all over again.

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so many questions

Is My Ex Over Me? Is My Ex Thinking About Me? Does My Ex Still Love Me?

So Many questions run around your head like a moth around a candle flame. It seems almost impossible to get rid of them. You just can’t stop thinking about what your ex is doing and what they are thinking. Is my ex over me? Is my ex thinking about me? Does my ex still love me?

And then you go to their Facebook page, read their status message. That just makes things a lot worse. You start thinking about what they meant by that. Is there a hidden message in there? And then more questions.

After that the sinking feeling starts to take over. Your heart actually starts paining. You could feel it. Didn’t the relationship mean anything to them? Was it all just fake? How can they be over me so soon?

GOOD NEWS

They are not over you. If they look like they are doing great and they are already over you and are having the time of their lives, then I’ve got news for you. IT’S ALL AN ACT.

Listen, if you two had a meaningful relationship, then I can GUARANTEE you that your ex is still thinking about you. They still have feelings for you. Feelings don’t just go away after a breakup. Yes, it’s true that sometimes people try to forget their past relationships. But nobody is actually able to achieve that impossible feat.

If you are at all thinking about getting them back, then I’d highly recommend that you start being happy as well (read How to get your ex back 3 Step Plan). It’s just normal. Don’t pretend. I know it’s hard right now. Especially with so much confusion and chaos in your mind. But you will have to learn to be happy.

But more importantly, don’t be miserable. Even if you feel miserable and heartbroken, don’t announce it to the world on facebook. One sad facebook status message from you, and you’ve just given your ex the upper hand. On the contrary, if your facebook status messages are upbeat and funny, you’ll make your ex start thinking about you.

Remember, you have to learn to stop obsessing over your ex, what they are thinking, what they said during the breakup, and yadi yada yada. If you want to get your ex back, you need to get your mind straight and start working on yourself.

Make sure you read the 3 Step plan on getting your ex back to get an idea of the whole picture.

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How To Make Your Ex Want You Back

make your ex girlfriend want you back

Chances are your ex still likes you, the question is how do you reignite that spark?

It’s not going to be easy. But it can be done. In fact, there is a very good chance that you can make your ex boyfriend or girlfriend want you back. It’s because of the fact that they were at a time with you and they wouldn’t be with you if they didn’t like you. Chances are your ex still likes you, but something went wrong in the relationship that lead to the breakup.

First of all, do not try to use logic to make them understand that you two are good together. You may think that just by telling your ex about all the good times you had together will do the trick. It doesn’t work that way. Logic has very little to do when it comes to emotions.

Once your ex breaks up with you, there is a huge psychological factor that comes in to play. CONSISTENCY! As human beings, we try to be consistent with every decision we make. If we keep changing our minds, we look insane to the society and more importantly to ourselves.  Your ex will try their best to be consistent with their decision of breaking up with you.

When you try to convince your ex to get back together after a breakup, they will put up their defenses because you are threatening their decision and their consistency.

NOTE: You can actually use consistency to get back together with your ex as is explained in the ex recovery system.

So how do you beat CONSISTENCY? By agreeing with the breakup. I know it sounds counter-intuitive and you may think that your ex might move on. But it really works. Thousands of reunited couples are a proof of this tactic.

make your ex want you back

You want cupid to shoot a dart at your ex? Then stop asking them to get back together

If you just agree with the breakup and carry on living your life and just be happy your ex will realize that you are not trying to change their mind. And once they realize that, they will let their defenses down. Once enough time passes, they will even agree to hang out with you. And this will be your chance to reconnect with them and make your ex want to get back with you.

Remember if you bring up the topic of getting back together, they will again put their defenses on. Your aim should be to just reconnect. If you want to remind them of the good times, try to be subtle about it. Don’t just say “Hey, Remember how good we were together. Let’s get back together.” As soon as you say that, they will put their defenses back up.

Make sure to check out my how to get your ex back – 3 Step Plan in which I explain how you can make your ex put their defenses down.

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When you feel rejected and lonely after the breakup, it is a knee jerk reaction to want to get back together. It is quite common for people to forget the true nature of their relationship in this stage. If the relationship was toxic, I will suggest that you just let them go and move on with your life.

toxic relationship

If your relationship with the ex was toxic, it’s best to just move on

Dr. Lillian Glass, author of Toxic People, describes a toxic person as “anyone who manages to drag you down, make you feel angry, worn out, deflated, belittled or confused.” You may find it difficult to admit that you were in a toxic relationship, especially after you broke up. Here are a few ways to tell if your relationship was (or is) toxic.

1. You used to feel sad or depressed about your relationship. You sometimes even cried on it.

2. Your ex wanted you to be always dependent on them.

3. When your ex did something for you, they used it to make you feel obligated.

4. Your ex didn’t want to see or talk to your friends or family.

5. Your ex opened your emails occasionally or showed up at your work unannounced.

6. Your ex said that the relationship would be much better if you would change.

7. You have gone out of your way many times to suit your ex’s demands.

8. You used to be afraid to speak the truth to your ex. You used to be walking on eggshells with your ex.

9. Your ex often used to accuse you of cheating and was overly jealous.

10. Your ex made you feel stupid or unimportant.

11. Your ex used to put you down verbally in private or in public.

12. You felt you didn’t have control of your life while you were with your ex.

13. Your opinion, accomplishment and thoughts were always devalued or neglected.

If you were in a toxic relationship you should be glad that it’s over now. If you are still in a toxic relationship, you can probably always sense that something is not right. In that situation, it will be best to just end the relationship somehow. If you feel it’ll be hard, then you should talk to your friends and family to get you out of it. If you are threatened and feel you are in danger, you can call The National Domestic Violence Hotline, (800) 799-SAFE.

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How to Get Your Ex to Call You Back?

This is one of the most common questions that I hear from my subscribers.

Well, if you’ve ever broken up with someone, then you know that calling them over and over again is definitely not the best way to make them call you back. It’s downright stalking. Not only that, it makes you look like a needy and clingy person who doesn’t have any self respect.

get your ex back

Don’t Hurt Your Chances. Don’t Act Like a Stalker

So, if you want to talk to your ex and want them to reply to your messages, here is what will NOT work

“Hey Cindy, this is the fourth time I am calling. I have left you three messages already. Please call me back. I really want to talk to you. Please Please”

Or

“Hey Cindy, this is an emergency. Please call me back as soon as possible.”

Now if you’ve already called them leaving these messages a hundred times, then you’ve actually hurt your chances. But don’t worry; there is a way to repair the damage. If you follow my 3 Step Plan, you will be able to repair most of the damage you’ve done. But of course, everything depends on your situation and how much you’ve screwed up.

One of the best way to get your ex call you back is to create curiosity. Here is a simple trick that I learned from the author of Magic of Making Up, T Dub Jackson.

Give them a call and say,

“Hey Cindy, I know it’s been a while but I really want to thank you for what you did. You have no idea how much it has helped me out and I would really like to thank you in person.”

See what’s happening here? You are creating curiosity with self interest. And it works like gangbusters. It will drive them crazy not knowing what is it that they did for you. It will be like when a tune is stuck in your head and you can’t remember which song it was from. They just can’t go on without knowing what you were talking about.

BUT, and it’s a big BUT, you should have something to say when they call you back. You can’t just say “Hey that was just a trick that I used to get you to call me back”. NO. That will get them pissed. You don’t want that.

You need to have an overall strategy. The phone call is just a part of the plan. What happens before and after phone call is what makes all the difference. And for that you need to read my How To Get Your Ex Back – 3 Step Plan.

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Should You Get Your Ex Back?

After a breakup, it is very very common for someone to start thinking about getting their ex back. But before you do anything to try to get your ex back, you have to be sure that it is a good idea. The fact is your breakup happened for a reason. And maybe it is better to just let go and start dating someone else.

So how do you know if you should get your ex back, or you should move on?


1. Why do you want your ex back?

 


should you get your ex back?You can’t say things like,

“I am miserable without them.”

“I can’t love again”

“I will never find love again”

Those are just knee jerk reaction to a breakup. You have to pull yourself together and first realize that you can and will love again and you will live a long and happy life with or without them.

You have to be more specific. Think about your relationship.

Did you feel loved?

Did you feel respected?

Were you two happy together?

Were you two honest about your feelings?

Did you really cherish the intimacy in the relationship?

Were you the only who sacrificed in the relationship or you both tried to make things work?

Questions like these will give you a better idea about your relationship and whether or not it is worth pursuing your ex.

Another important question you should ask yourself is

2. What would be different this time?

 


The fact is something went wrong in the relationship. And if you are not sure what it was, then it will happen again. You have to be specific about what went wrong and what will be different this time. Don’t say generic statements like

“I will love them more”

“I will try harder”

If you find yourself saying things like that, then it means you are not sure what went wrong in the relationship. And that just means that it will happen again.

Unfortunately, many breakups are so confusing that you just don’t understand what went wrong. Many times your ex would have used some old cliché to break up with you. Leaving you confused about why they broke up. It is essential that you understand what went wrong before you try to get your ex back.

Now, if you are sure that you want your ex back, and you have a good reason for pursuing your ex, you should go ahead and read my 3 step plan for getting your ex back.

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5 Signs Your Ex Wants You Back

signs your ex wants you backLast time we talked about what are the signs that your ex still likes you. However, even if your ex still likes you doesn’t necessarily mean they want to get back with you. It doesn’t even necessarily mean they are thinking about getting back together.

Reading the subtle hints and signs they give is important because it will tell you exactly what state they are in mentally. Here are a few sure signs your ex girlfriend or your ex boyfriend is thinking about getting back together.

1. They make an effort to improve themselves and then directly or indirect let you know that they have improved. For example, they may have started working out to improve their physical experience, or they may have gotten a better job to improve their financial stability, or they may have been working with inner issues which may have caused the breakup.

2. If they think they’ve done something wrong or done something to disappoint you, they go out of their way to apologize and make things right. For example, if they said they would call you at a certain time but didn’t.

3. Running into you “accidentally” at a place you frequently visit.

4. While having a conversation, they talk about a future in which you are present. This means they want you in their life and are expecting you to be there in the future.

5. They try to talk about what went wrong in the relationship and how things could have been better.

If you notice any of these signs, then the ball is in your court and you’ve got to make the next move. Be confident because at this moment, they are on the fence and are tilting towards getting back together.

But don’t be too aggressive by trying to force them to get back together. One wrong move and they will be thinking that breaking up was the right thing to do. You have to play your cards right. Having a solid plan helps.

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4 Sneaky Signs Your Ex Still Likes You

There is a thin line between love and hate. If you think your ex hates you, then you still have a good chance getting them back. You see, hatred is just an emotion, and just like love it’s meant only for those who we really care about. It’s not hatred that you should be afraid of, it’s indifference. If your ex is indifferent, then you have a problem. If they hate you, love you, angry at you or have any type of emotion for you, then you still can hope.

emotional ex

Any type of emotion is good, even anger

It is quite easy to figure out if your ex still likes you, or if they still have feelings for you. You can easily spot these sneaky signs if your ex likes you –

Sneaky Sign No. 1: Emotions

If there is any type of emotions involved when your ex is talking to you or they are talking about you to someone else. Any type of emotion would do, even if they seem angry at you.

Sneaky Sign No. 2: Contact

If there is still some type of contact between you two. Many times, after a breakup, your ex would want to keep in contact. They would say they want to stay in touch and be friends. This is a very good sign, because why else would they want to stay in touch with you unless they have feelings for you.

Ex beign competitive

It’s a good sign if they are being competitive

Sneaky Sign No. 3: Being Competitive

Sometimes your ex will try to be too competitive and show you how well they are doing after the breakup. They will try to sort of rub it in your face that they are doing better than you, having a better time than you. In reality, they are trying to over convince themselves that they have gotten over you, even though they still have feelings for you.

Sneaky Sing No. 4: The Push/Pull Psychology

Push/Pull psychology is when your ex wants to be with you one minute and the other minute they are trying to stay away from you. This is sign that they are not sure of their feelings yet and are trying to fight with the conflict in their mind about you. This is a good sign because this actually means that your ex still thinks about you a lot. Sometimes they listen to their heart and give in to their temptation of wanting to see you and sometimes they listen to their brain and decide it is best to stay away from you.

Take note that these are the signs that your ex still has feelings for you. This does not necessarily mean that they want you back. It just means that there is a very good chance that you can be together, if you play your cards right. Remember, stay calm and don’t do anything stupid that will give them a reason to become indifferent. Check out my How To Get Your Ex Back – 3 Step Plan.

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5 Ways To Make Your Ex Pay

One has to work very hard to build up and maintain a relationship. However, breakups happen more often than we think they do and breakups are really capable of shaking your belief. I am sure that if you have been affected by your breakup deeply, you would certainly want to make your ex pay for all the damage that he has caused. However, if you are planning to cause him any physical harm, my question would be – is that right to do? The answer is a very certain no. Instead, I have a better way to make your ex pay back. Live your life and be happy. Like they say, the best revenge is living well. This will not only make them realize how important you are and were to them, but will also make him pay for their mistakes.  Thus, here are the 5 ways to make your ex pay:

  1. To start with, do not cry, beg and plead. Let me tell you that no one ever needs the needy. If you will cry and sob all the time, your ex will definitely run away from you.
  2. Minimize the communication between you two. This might not seem as the best idea to you but it can do great wonders. Staying away from your ex will make him miss you and realize your importance in his life.
  3. Be sympathetic and understanding. Even if you and your ex are no more in a relationship that does not mean that you will throw things at him or throw him out of the house. Listen to him, his problems and what he has to say. This side of you will make him want to know you even better.
  4. Get a social life. Staying at home, locked inside doors will do you no good. I am not asking you to go on a date or anything on those lines. Instead, you should have a friend`s night out. Drink some beer, enjoy and relax. Enjoying a little company will help you divert your attention and become a little cheerful in the mind.
  5. Be genuine and do not try to be something that you are not.  The very reason why you and your ex were in a relationship is because he loved what you were. Thus, you don`t have to change and become something else that you never were just to win him back. Stay what you were like when your relationship had started off.
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