How To Get Your Ex Back - 3 Step Plan

5 Ways To Hold Onto That Special Someone

hold on to that special someoneFor anyone who has experienced a breakup before, one of the trickiest issues with dating someone new can be worrying about holding onto that person. When you’ve been hurt, or had a long relationship end, it’s natural to feel a bit paranoid about the next special significant other to come into your life. The tendency is to think that if you couldn’t make it work last time, you might not be able to this time. However, this does not need to be the case. There’s no way to guarantee a relationship holds together, but here are 5 simple ways to keep your new love alive and hold onto that special someone.

1. Establish A Date Night

Some people avoid the “date night” idea because it feels a bit stiff and contrived. However, you may be surprised at how much you actually enjoy having this on the schedule once you try it. Establishing a date night simply means that one night a week, no matter how busy the two of you become, or how occupied you may be on other nights, belongs to just the two of you. It can be a great time to recharge the romance on a weekly basis.

2. Stay Active With Your Friends

One of the quickest ways to doom a relationship is to become too dependent on your partner for company. It’s easy to get wrapped up in each other and then suddenly realize you never hang out with anyone else, but this will inevitably lead to a bad situation. Stay active with your own friends to avoid this problem. It will help you both to feel free and relaxed within your relationship.

3. Keep The Bedroom Interesting

Different people may try different approaches here. Whether it’s trying new positions, browsing sex toys at Adam & Eve, or whatever else occurs to you, however, it’s important to keep the bedroom interesting and exciting. If things get dull in bed, your relationship as a whole will likely soon follow.

4. Stay Spontaneous

You can overplay the spontaneity card. A bouquet of roses every week can quickly turn from spontaneous into dull and predictable. But if you vary your approach, staying slightly unpredictable is a great way to keep your partner interested and fascinated. People in romantic relationships appreciate surprises and learning new (positive) things about their partners, and it’s up to you to make sure that keeps happening.

5. Grow Independently

Finally, it’s important to grow independently when in a relationship. While you’ll have to consider your partner, of course, try not to take or avoid opportunities in your personal life simply because of your relationship. Go after that job you want, or apply for the semester abroad you feel that you need. A strong relationship accommodates these kinds of personal needs and desires.

 

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Long Distance Relationships and Breakups

Breakups over long distance relationships are hard to stop. If your partner is on the verge of breaking up, there isn’t much you can do to stop it if you are continents away from them. In essence, it is much easier to breakup with someone if you are in a LDR than if you are living in the same city.

On the other hand, it is much harder for you if you are on the receiving end of the breakup.

In this article, I am going to outline a few tips about breaking up with someone or if someone is breaking up with you in a LDR.

If you are the one breaking up

  1. First of all, think hard before breaking up. LDRs are tough but if you get through it, it will be worth the wait. Adam Rabin shows tons of ways to make it work in this video. Unless you are absolutely sure that the relationship can’t work, you should search for the solutions of your problems instead of thinking breaking up is the best way.
  2. Be honest with your partner and make sure you give them full closure. If you care about your partner, and think of yourself as a decent human being, make sure you give them full closure and let them know exactly why you are breaking up. Breaking will be hard for both of you, and the least you can do is not make it complicated for your partner.
  3. Give them time to accept the break-up. Usually, the best option after a breakup is to stop all communication with your ex. However, in case of LDR, it is better to give them some time to accept the breakup before you stop all communication.
  4. Be honest to yourself about the breakup. If the real reason you are breaking up with them is because you want to be in a relationship with someone in your city, then you should be honest about it. Don’t try to blame the reason of breakup to relationship problems when the real reason is something else. Let your partner know your true intentions because they deserve it.
  5. Have the decency to breakup face to face via Skype or some other chatting medium. Breaking over IM or emails is not the way to go.

If you are on the receiving end of the breakup

  1. First of all, don’t beg, be needy or act desperate. The best thing you can do is accept the breakup gracefully. Don’t throw your self-respect out the window when they are breaking up with you.
  2. Try to realize that this is not the end of the world and there isn’t much you can do to stop the breakup.
  3. Try to understand the reason for breakup and accept it if it’s true. If you believe that is something you can fix, let them know that they should give it a try. However, do so in a calm and respectful manner. If you be desperate, they will surely decline your offer.
  4. Again, the best thing to do after the breakup is to let them know that you’ve accepted it and stop all communication. Your main aim should be to move on with your life.
  5. Try to refrain yourself from checking their Facebook page. It will only make you obsess over them more and more which is not healthy for you.
  6. Since you were in LDR, the chances of getting back together with them are very slim. The best thing to do would be to move on. If your ex realizes that breaking up was the wrong thing to do, they will contact you and will want to make it work.
  7. If you are planning to surprise them by driving down to your ex’s city with a box full of chocolates and a trunk full of flowers, DON’T DO IT. It’s just going to make you look like a fool and you will be more embarrassed than ever to find out they have already moved on.
  8. Don’t try to find out if they’ve started dating someone else or not. It is very likely that they are in a rebound relationship and it is a good idea that you also start dating someone else and move on with your life.
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Learning From Breakups

Breakups. No doubt they suck. No doubt they are hard. No doubt they leave you miserable and confused.

But like everything else, they also have a purpose. You learn a lot about a person after you breakup with them. You learn a lot about yourself after a breakup. During a relationship, when both partners are too much obsessed about each other and about the relationship and about the problem; it’s kind of hard to understand and really realize what type of relationship you want and what type of person you want to spend your life with.

You know how they say, you don’t fall in love with someone when you are with them, but you fall in love with them when you are away from them. It’s because when you are away from someone, you actually get time to analyze them and think about them and you. And think about whether you are compatible together and whether they are the type of person you always wanted.

When you are in a relationship, it’s kind of hard to get that time to yourself. Unless you take off on a vacation all by yourself (which is rarely the case.)

After the breakup, however, people have that time to analyze what happened. Unfortunately, the surge of emotion is so much and so negative that it’s hard to think logically. Heck, most of the time it’s hard to think about anything but the breakup and what could have gone differently. (Oh and if you are thinking about what could have gone differently, STOP NOW. It’s no use and you are only getting yourself into a deep hole which is really hard to get out of.)

When the initially stages of the breakup are over. When the surge of emotions and all the negativity has vanished, you can actually have time to think about things. To think about your relationship and how good (or bad) it was.

Remember, if you are still thinking emotionally, then it is quite possible that your idea of the relationship is highly influenced by your desire to get back with your ex. At this time, my advice would be to keep emotions and desire aside (if you can’t then it’s best to wait for sometime before making a decision), and think logically about your relationship.

And if you are really thinking logically, you will realize that you’ve learned a lot about yourself and your ex. You can understand more about what you want in your relationships and what you don’t want. And based on this logical thinking (not desire, not emotions and not revenge) and logical thinking alone, you should decide whether or not you want to get back with your ex (if you do, then make sure you check out the 3 step plan to get your ex back). Even if you decide to get over them, remember that you learned a lot from this relationship and it was worth it.

 

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The Abundance Mindset

Today, I want to talk about mindset. There are two types of mentality in general.

The abundance mentality and the scarcity mentality.

What it means is pretty obvious really. People with abundance mentality think that there is enough opportunities (related to money, love, business etc.) for everyone.

And on the other hand, people with scarcity mentality believe that there is only a limited number of opportunities. And you need to fight with other people and hold on to the things you have because you may never get it again.

Well, in many cases, after a breakup, people tend to shift towards the scarcity mentality when it comes to love. They think that if they don’t get their ex back, they will never find love again and therefore never find happiness.

The truth is my friend, there are endless opportunities out there. And you NEED to accept that.

You know why?

People with the scarcity mentality live in fear. They live in fear of losing everything they have. And because of that fear, they never truly enjoy their life.

On the other hand, people with abundance mentality, live their life to the fullest. They know that if they lose something, they will always find something else and something better.

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long  and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the  one which has opened for us.” – Alexander Graham Bell
My point is, when you go meet your ex, you should have the abundance mentality. Because if you don’t, (s)he will notice it. (S)he will notice that you are still trying to hold on to him/her. And you are still afraid of losing him/her forever.

You have to accept the possibility that you will never get him/her back. And you have to embrace the endless opportunities out there which you can use anytime to find new love and new happiness.

Only when you accept it, you will be ready to meet your ex.

– Kevin “Accept it and Embrace it” Thompson

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I know that most of you don’t want to hear this and in many cases, the reasons in this article won’t even apply to you. But if it does, I really want you to think about whether or not you want to get back together with your ex (3 Step Plan). Because, even though this website is focused on that, sometimes it’s best to let go and move on with your life.

Reason 1: You are just feeling rejected

In many cases, the only reason you want to get back with your ex is because you feel rejected. It’s hard to accept that someone who was once in love with you does not want you anymore. The feeling of rejection is really dreadful and we all fear it in every aspect of our lives.

But think about this, they did not really reject you; they only rejected a small slice of you. Many times, they don’t really know you completely as a person before the breakup. Many times, it’s just a small fight that leads to breakups. Or maybe, something in your ex’s mind that made them think that you are not a potential partner. But whatever the reason is, you should not feel worthless just because someone doesn’t want to be with you.

Reason 2: You keep wondering about “What could have been?”

“If only I would have said this instead of that, we would still be together and we would have been happier. And then we would travel the world together and get a house near the country side and get married and have beautiful children.”

“What could have been” is just another one of cruel tricks that your mind plays on you. It is the part of your brain that prefers to have a lazy life and stay in the comfort zone. It is the part of the brain that is afraid to explore the new opportunities in the world. This is the part of your brain that is afraid; afraid that you will never find love again. It is afraid that you will always be lonely and single.

If you find yourself thinking about “What could have been” all the time, you will drive yourself crazy and will fall more and more in love with your ex. This will stop you from seeing the world as it is and will make you ignore all the opportunities that you have around you to be happy and be in love with someone else. Believe me; I know how hard it is to control your thoughts after a breakup. I have been there.

But remember this, whenever you find yourself thinking about what could have been, you need to remind yourself that it is only going to drive you crazy and instead you should be thinking about what you should be doing right now.

In the end, getting your ex back just because you are always thinking about “what could have been” is not a good idea. Because you are living in a fantasy world which is completely different from the real world and in all honesty, that will never come true.

Reason 3: He/She was your first love

Well, if they were your first love, and you think that you two belong together, then I am not going to tell you are wrong. In all probability you are right. Maybe both of you were soul mates and you two should be together. But if you two broke up, this is a sign that you need to explore a little before you get back with them.

You need to go out there and date other people to find out what it’s like being with someone else. And if you are truly meant to be together, then you will get back at a later stage in life. Instead of trying to keep your ex to yourself, you should let them be with someone else for some time and meanwhile, you should also find someone else. This might sound like an excruciating thing to go through right now, but it is something that you need to do to truly understand love and be sure about everything in life. Be assured, that if you do get back together after being with someone else, your love life will be better than ever and you two will be together for a long time.

 

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Why Do You Want Your Ex Back?

Okay, your ex broke up with you. They broke your heart and you feel rejected and hurt. It seems like that the only thing you want at this moment is to be with them again. Hold your ex in your arms again and whisper in their ears how much you love them. And in return, you want them to whisper those three magic words back.

Even though, all that sounds very romantic and there is a good chance that it may come true; you have to step back for a moment and think what you really want. Now, it’s a very hard thing to do, especially right after a breakup when you are feeling hurt and desperate. That’s why you should follow the 3 steps to get your ex back and somewhere in between; you will realize whether or not you actually want them back.

Consider this, there is a possibility that you want your ex back only because they rejected you and it’s a very uncomfortable feeling to be rejected. It’s also possible that you want your ex back because you are too scared to go out and find someone else and start all over again.

Think of the above two reasons again. Feeling rejected, and scared to start over again. Are those the right reasons to get back together? I don’t think so. There may be many other reasons, but those two sure as heck should not be the only reason that you get your ex back.

Regardless, of what the reason is, if you just broke up with your ex and are feeling desperate, just follow the 3 step plan and you will start thinking more rationally very soon. When you do, I want you to think really hard whether or not you want them back.

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Is It Too Late To Get Back Together?

What if your breakup happened over a year ago and you want to get back with them?

Is it still possible for you two to be together again?

It actually depends on a lot of factors. If your ex has been dating someone else for over a year, your chances are slim. If you two were together for only a brief period of time (less than a month), then your chances a slim. And if your breakup was terrible and you acted all crazy and stalky after the breakup, then again your chances are slim.

However, you do have an advantage in this situation. You two have been apart for over a year. It means that they have probably lost all the attraction they had for you in that time. But, and it’s a big but, this also means that they have also lost all the negative association they had towards you.

Rebuilding attraction isn’t really that difficult if you just stick to the basics. And in your case, it will be even easier because they were attracted to you at one point of time. However, this doesn’t mean you can dress like a bum and they will still fall head over heels for you.  You will still have to go through the basic dating etiquette to attract them.

Another advantage that you may have in this situation is that if you two broke up because of something you did or how you acted in the relationship, you can easily use the “I’ve changed” routine to assure them that this time it will be different. Please note that I am not advising you to lie just to get back together. I want you to actually change yourself for the better before even trying to get back with them (of course, this only implies if you think you can change for the better and not JUST for your ex).

Even if your ex is dating someone else, you can still give it a try. I wouldn’t recommend you calling them all of a sudden and asking them to get back together. Just take it slow. One small step at a time. Don’t look desperate. Be cool and ask them out as friends. Then slowly make your way into their life.

 

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This is a question that is popped up every now and then. What if your ex contacts you during the no contact period? Should you just open up your heart and express your undying love for them? Or should you just be cold and ignore them completely? What will they think of your reaction?

During the no contact period, your main aim is to heal yourself from the breakup and become a better and a happier person. The only way to achieve this will be to stay away from your ex during this period and focusing on good things in life. However, if your ex contacts you during this period, you shouldn’t be rude to them or just snub them. You don’t want your ex to have any ill-disposed feeling for you.

If they call you during the no contact period, your attitude towards them should be like that of a distant acquaintance that you are in good terms with. You don’t want to get too personal with them, and you don’t want to cause them any harm. Don’t treat them like they are your closest friend and definitely don’t treat them like your lover. Just be amicable and a little distant.

Here are a few ground rules to talk to your ex during the no contact rule.

– Keep the conversation short. 10-15 minutes max. And then gracefully end the call saying you have to go somewhere or do something.
Be happy and upbeat
– Don’t get personal. Keep topics purely on social level.

 

You should not

– Talk about your problems or your feelings
– Bring any type of negative conversation
– Talk for more than 15 minutes

 

If your ex asks any emotional and personal questions, be as vague as possible. If they insist too much, then let them know that you think its best that you both have some space at the moment.

The no contact rule works wonders if you do it right. To get a better idea of this, read the 3 Step Plan to get your ex back.

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FAQs for the No Contact Rule

no contact

The No Contact rule might be harsh, but it works. Hands Down!

The No-Contact Rule is a very important part of the 3 Step plan for getting your ex back. Even though it might be very counterintuitive, it has proven to work again and again for many people. Before starting the no contact rule, the general doubts in your mind might be something like

  • What if they forget about me completely?
  • What if they start dating someone else during that period?
  • What if they get married during the no contact rule and have beautiful children with that other woman?
  • How will they know that I am changing myself if I am not in contact with them?

Let’s take each one of these questions one by one.

What if they forget about me completely?”

One month. That’s how much I recommend the no-contact period to be. Do you really think they will forget about you in one month? If your relationship was anything even close to meaningful, then they absolutely CANNOT forget about you in one month. In some cases, I recommend the no contact rule to be as much as 2 months depending on the type of breakup and how much grudge they are holding against you. And if you think about it, even 2 months is not enough time for someone to forget their ex and get over them.

What if they start dating someone else during that period?

What makes you think they won’t start dating that other person if you are in contact with them? If you two have broken up, nothing can actually stop them from dating other people. And if you keep in contact with them, and try to stop them from dating other people, you might as well drop a hammer on your foot, because that will just make them want to date other people even more. If you try to stop them from dating, they will feel like you are still trying to control their life (even after the breakup) and they will develop resentment towards you.

“What if they get married during the no contact rule and have beautiful children with that other woman?

Well, we all know that’s not going to happen in one month.

How will they know that I am changing myself if I am not in contact with them?”

First of all, you are not changing yourself for them. You are changing yourself for you. During the no contact period, you are supposed to shift all the focus, energy, and thoughts from your ex to you. You are not doing anything to prove to your ex to change, you are doing it for you.

And even though it is not necessary that come to know about your change, they will find out about it one way or the other. Chances are that your ex is keeping their eyes and ears open for any news pertaining to you. And since we are all living in an overly connected world, they will find out through one of the many communication channels we have today.

 

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Ever heard the phrase “An Idle Mind is The Devil’s Workshop?” At this point of time, an idle mind is your biggest enemy.

In all practicality, it will be impossible for you to sit somewhere and not think about your ex. At the moment, it might feel like the heartache is just too much to bear and thinking about what your ex is doing will just make it worse.

What if they are with someone else?

What if they are over the breakup?

What if they have already forgotten about me?

These “what if” questions are as useless as a used condom. They will only make you feel worse. And if you just sit around your house, doing nothing, then you are bound to fall into this endless loop of “what if” questions.

So, in short, you need to go out and do something. If you don’t feel like going out, then do something at home. There are tons of things you can do if you just try to find something to do. Play video games, go jogging, hang out with friends, play an instrument, play golf, go to the gym.

But beware; there are some activities that will make you more prone to thinking about your ex. These activities include drinking too much, eating ice cream and watching a sad romantic movie, eating unhealthy food etc.

It is quite possible that you might have that gut crunching feeling at the moment and don’t feel like doing anything else other than just sitting and thinking about your ex. I know what it feels like. But you have to understand that gut crunching feeling is only going to get worse if you don’t do something to keep your mind off your ex. I know how hard it can be to get yourself out of the sofa and do something that you have no interest in doing at the moment. But trust me, once you get to doing something creative, fun or exciting, you will forget about your ex very quickly and you will be glad you took the effort to do it.

If you have any ideas that might help others take their mind off their ex, I’d love to hear from you. Leave your ideas in the comment section below.

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