Breaking up with someone isn’t an easy thing to do. Nobody wants to be the bearer of bad news, especially when you know the bad news will be devastating and even more so when you are the reason for the bad news. Telling someone that “You don’t want them anymore in your life” is like firing an employee. You know they will be pissed off and depressed after you tell them. The only difference is, you care about this person way more than you would ever care for an employee.

The first thing that you need to understand is that using cliché’s like “It’s not you, it’s me” or “I don’t love you anymore” doesn’t work anymore. It might have worked in the early 80s when they were invented, but now they are so common that it just makes the other person feel even worse knowing that you didn’t even care to come up with a valid reason to break up.

The best way to break up with someone is just sit with them and let them know how you really feel. Remember, after you break up with them, they will be confused, angry, overly emotional, and will try to decipher what you said to them during the breakup. If you are as clear as possible, it will make things easier for them after the breakup. They will obsess over you for a while, and they will think a lot about what you said, and there is a good chance that they will try to get back together.

If you truly care about this individual, you need to be upfront with them and let them know exactly what you feel. Be prepared to hear what they have to say. It will be a long conversation and you might have to have the same conversation over and over again. They will try to present their case and tell you that things can change and will try to remind you how great you were together. Now, at this moment, you have already made you decision and you subconscious will try it’s best to convince you to hold your ground. And I do agree that you should hold your ground for the moment. But you owe it to them to at least go through their case and see if they make any sense. If you believe that you two do have a future together, don’t let the stubbornness of your subconscious hold you back. Go ahead and get back with them.

After you have gone through the breakup, it might or might not be a good idea to communicate with your ex. It depends on how angry they were after the breakup.  If you had an amicable breakup, you can start the communication soon enough. However, if they were extremely upset after the breakup, you should wait for a while before you even try to get in touch. You can send them an email after a month letting them know that you still care for them and you are sorry that things had to end this way. In most of the cases however, your ex will try to contact you after the breakup. The contact will eventually become less often as they realize that they need to move on with their lives and find someone else.

The last thing on your mind after a breakup may be dating someone else. Just the thought of making another relationship work makes you sick at your stomach. But, there doesn’t have to be a “relationship” if you merely date someone else that you’re somewhat attracted to.

Getting back out into the world of dating is extremely important at this time of your life. It will give you a more panoramic view of what your life can be and let you know that you can be happy again.

If you’ve been out of commission for quite a while, you may have lost contact with other single friends who could lead you back to the places where you can meet new people and have a life outside of home and work. You may have friends who know singles or you may decide to go to one of the online dating sites to meet someone.

When you do meet another that you’re attracted to, ask yourself if you could grow, emotionally, spiritually and every other way with this person. Is he or she able to provide that? If not, don’t waste your time. There are too many fishes in the ocean for you to waste your time on one you’d have to throw back anyway.

It’s normal to compare the new person in your life to your ex. In fact, you should make a comparison. You should be able to find out how your ex stacks up in no time at all if you’ve done your groundwork and know why yours and your ex’s relationship failed and what you’re really looking for in one that will last.

When you compare and find something you don’t like about the other person, don’t think you can change the behavior or personality – it just doesn’t work without causing resentment.

Eventually, you’ll meet someone that you believe you could care about and make a life with. Don’t rush in to a live-in relationship or marriage. As time goes by, you’ll find out more details and will be able to picture your life together.

Dating sites on the Internet let people get to know each other before a physical relationship begins – if both are honest in their communication. It’s a good way to meet lots of people in your area and pick and choose which ones you think there might be a connection with.

You can be a little more confident and daring when you’re talking to someone over the Internet and may find out more about the other person than you could if you were physically together.

Other ways to meet new people are in your church or synagogue, friends who know you and may know another who would fit in your life, work (be sure to check out the rules your company has for dating in the workplace), play (do you like to participate in a sport or perhaps a community theater?), or simply getting involved in things you like to do. Many successful relationships have begun by meeting while walking dogs!

Keep a positive attitude about dating – and keep in mind your absolute requirements for another person to enter your life. Don’t settle for less – you don’t have to.

If you’ve read the 3 Step plan, then you know that I highly recommend not contacting your ex for a short period of time when you are working on getting your ex back.

But, what should you do if you meet your ex at a party? Should you snub them? Should you go to them and start pouring your heart out? Should you have a drink with them?

Well, if you find yourself at a party with your ex and you are still in the no contact period. Here is what you need to do.

As soon as you enter the party, find a group of people you can feel comfortable with and hang out with throughout the night. Stick with the group of people for most of the time.

You don’t want to start talking to your ex right now because you are in the no contact period and talking to them might really screw up the main purpose of the no contact period. However, you also don’t just want to blatantly ignore them because that will be rude.

Ideally, you want your ex to come and talk to you. If they do come and talk to you, just a little chit chat won’t hurt anyone. Make sure you have an excuse to get away from the conversation. Try to keep it as brief as possible. Once the conversation has run its course or you feel it’s getting longer than it has to be, just make up something quickly and get away from them. You don’t even have to make up something, just tell them that you’ve got to get going or you have to get back to your friends. Be CORDIAL and TENDER. You absolutely must give the impression that you are having a good time at the party. But don’t overdo it, so it becomes obvious that you are trying to make them jealous.

If your ex doesn’t come to talk to you, just say a quick Hi right before you are about to leave. Like I said, keep it short and sweet.

Make sure that you moderate your alcohol consumption in a party where your ex is present. If you get drunk, then I guarantee you that you’ll do something stupid which will just blow your chances of getting back together.

Party like a Rockstar..But don’t do anything that you might regret

If you and your ex work at the same office, you can use the same formula of conversations whenever you feel it is impossible to avoid a conversation. Keep it short and sweet. Resist that temptation to talk about the past, the future, getting back together, asking them out for a date, or anything that isn’t allowed in the no-contact period. Remember, there is a time for everything and if you just follow the plan, you will become immensely attractive to your ex which will just make them fall in love with you all over again.

Is My Ex Over Me? Is My Ex Thinking About Me? Does My Ex Still Love Me?

So Many questions run around your head like a moth around a candle flame. It seems almost impossible to get rid of them. You just can’t stop thinking about what your ex is doing and what they are thinking. Is my ex over me? Is my ex thinking about me? Does my ex still love me?

And then you go to their Facebook page, read their status message. That just makes things a lot worse. You start thinking about what they meant by that. Is there a hidden message in there? And then more questions.

After that the sinking feeling starts to take over. Your heart actually starts paining. You could feel it. Didn’t the relationship mean anything to them? Was it all just fake? How can they be over me so soon?

GOOD NEWS

They are not over you. If they look like they are doing great and they are already over you and are having the time of their lives, then I’ve got news for you. IT’S ALL AN ACT.

Listen, if you two had a meaningful relationship, then I can GUARANTEE you that your ex is still thinking about you. They still have feelings for you. Feelings don’t just go away after a breakup. Yes, it’s true that sometimes people try to forget their past relationships. But nobody is actually able to achieve that impossible feat.

If you are at all thinking about getting them back, then I’d highly recommend that you start being happy as well (read How to get your ex back 3 Step Plan). It’s just normal. Don’t pretend. I know it’s hard right now. Especially with so much confusion and chaos in your mind. But you will have to learn to be happy.

But more importantly, don’t be miserable. Even if you feel miserable and heartbroken, don’t announce it to the world on facebook. One sad facebook status message from you, and you’ve just given your ex the upper hand. On the contrary, if your facebook status messages are upbeat and funny, you’ll make your ex start thinking about you.

Remember, you have to learn to stop obsessing over your ex, what they are thinking, what they said during the breakup, and yadi yada yada. If you want to get your ex back, you need to get your mind straight and start working on yourself.

Make sure you read the 3 Step plan on getting your ex back to get an idea of the whole picture.

Chances are your ex still likes you, the question is how do you reignite that spark?

It’s not going to be easy. But it can be done. In fact, there is a very good chance that you can make your ex boyfriend or girlfriend want you back. It’s because of the fact that they were at a time with you and they wouldn’t be with you if they didn’t like you. Chances are your ex still likes you, but something went wrong in the relationship that lead to the breakup.

First of all, do not try to use logic to make them understand that you two are good together. You may think that just by telling your ex about all the good times you had together will do the trick. It doesn’t work that way. Logic has very little to do when it comes to emotions.

Once your ex breaks up with you, there is a huge psychological factor that comes in to play. CONSISTENCY! As human beings, we try to be consistent with every decision we make. If we keep changing our minds, we look insane to the society and more importantly to ourselves.  Your ex will try their best to be consistent with their decision of breaking up with you.

When you try to convince your ex to get back together after a breakup, they will put up their defenses because you are threatening their decision and their consistency.

NOTE: You can actually use consistency to get back together with your ex as is explained in the ex recovery system.

So how do you beat CONSISTENCY? By agreeing with the breakup. I know it sounds counter-intuitive and you may think that your ex might move on. But it really works. Thousands of reunited couples are a proof of this tactic.

You want cupid to shoot a dart at your ex? Then stop asking them to get back together

If you just agree with the breakup and carry on living your life and just be happy your ex will realize that you are not trying to change their mind. And once they realize that, they will let their defenses down. Once enough time passes, they will even agree to hang out with you. And this will be your chance to reconnect with them and make your ex want to get back with you.

Remember if you bring up the topic of getting back together, they will again put their defenses on. Your aim should be to just reconnect. If you want to remind them of the good times, try to be subtle about it. Don’t just say “Hey, Remember how good we were together. Let’s get back together.” As soon as you say that, they will put their defenses back up.

Make sure to check out my how to get your ex back – 3 Step Plan in which I explain how you can make your ex put their defenses down.

After a breakup, it is very very common for someone to start thinking about getting their ex back. But before you do anything to try to get your ex back, you have to be sure that it is a good idea. The fact is your breakup happened for a reason. And maybe it is better to just let go and start dating someone else.

So how do you know if you should get your ex back, or you should move on?

1. Why do you want your ex back?

You can’t say things like,

“I am miserable without them.”

“I can’t love again”

“I will never find love again”

Those are just knee jerk reaction to a breakup. You have to pull yourself together and first realize that you can and will love again and you will live a long and happy life with or without them.

You have to be more specific. Think about your relationship.

Did you feel loved?

Did you feel respected?

Were you two happy together?

Were you two honest about your feelings?

Did you really cherish the intimacy in the relationship?

Were you the only who sacrificed in the relationship or you both tried to make things work?

Questions like these will give you a better idea about your relationship and whether or not it is worth pursuing your ex.

Another important question you should ask yourself is

2. What would be different this time?

The fact is something went wrong in the relationship. And if you are not sure what it was, then it will happen again. You have to be specific about what went wrong and what will be different this time. Don’t say generic statements like

“I will love them more”

“I will try harder”

If you find yourself saying things like that, then it means you are not sure what went wrong in the relationship. And that just means that it will happen again.

Unfortunately, many breakups are so confusing that you just don’t understand what went wrong. Many times your ex would have used some old cliché to break up with you. Leaving you confused about why they broke up. It is essential that you understand what went wrong before you try to get your ex back.

Now, if you are sure that you want your ex back, and you have a good reason for pursuing your ex, you should go ahead and read my 3 step plan for getting your ex back.

Last time we talked about what are the signs that your ex still likes you. However, even if your ex still likes you doesn’t necessarily mean they want to get back with you. It doesn’t even necessarily mean they are thinking about getting back together.

Reading the subtle hints and signs they give is important because it will tell you exactly what state they are in mentally. Here are a few sure signs your ex girlfriend or your ex boyfriend is thinking about getting back together.

1. They make an effort to improve themselves and then directly or indirect let you know that they have improved. For example, they may have started working out to improve their physical experience, or they may have gotten a better job to improve their financial stability, or they may have been working with inner issues which may have caused the breakup.

2. If they think they’ve done something wrong or done something to disappoint you, they go out of their way to apologize and make things right. For example, if they said they would call you at a certain time but didn’t.

3. Running into you “accidentally” at a place you frequently visit.

4. While having a conversation, they talk about a future in which you are present. This means they want you in their life and are expecting you to be there in the future.

5. They try to talk about what went wrong in the relationship and how things could have been better.

If you notice any of these signs, then the ball is in your court and you’ve got to make the next move. Be confident because at this moment, they are on the fence and are tilting towards getting back together.

But don’t be too aggressive by trying to force them to get back together. One wrong move and they will be thinking that breaking up was the right thing to do. You have to play your cards right. Having a solid plan helps.

There is a thin line between love and hate. If you think your ex hates you, then you still have a good chance getting them back. You see, hatred is just an emotion, and just like love it’s meant only for those who we really care about. It’s not hatred that you should be afraid of, it’s indifference. If your ex is indifferent, then you have a problem. If they hate you, love you, angry at you or have any type of emotion for you, then you still can hope.

Any type of emotion is good, even anger

It is quite easy to figure out if your ex still likes you, or if they still have feelings for you. You can easily spot these sneaky signs if your ex likes you –

Sneaky Sign No. 1: Emotions

If there is any type of emotions involved when your ex is talking to you or they are talking about you to someone else. Any type of emotion would do, even if they seem angry at you.

Sneaky Sign No. 2: Contact

If there is still some type of contact between you two. Many times, after a breakup, your ex would want to keep in contact. They would say they want to stay in touch and be friends. This is a very good sign, because why else would they want to stay in touch with you unless they have feelings for you.

It’s a good sign if they are being competitive

Sneaky Sign No. 3: Being Competitive

Sometimes your ex will try to be too competitive and show you how well they are doing after the breakup. They will try to sort of rub it in your face that they are doing better than you, having a better time than you. In reality, they are trying to over convince themselves that they have gotten over you, even though they still have feelings for you.

Sneaky Sing No. 4: The Push/Pull Psychology

Push/Pull psychology is when your ex wants to be with you one minute and the other minute they are trying to stay away from you. This is sign that they are not sure of their feelings yet and are trying to fight with the conflict in their mind about you. This is a good sign because this actually means that your ex still thinks about you a lot. Sometimes they listen to their heart and give in to their temptation of wanting to see you and sometimes they listen to their brain and decide it is best to stay away from you.

Take note that these are the signs that your ex still has feelings for you. This does not necessarily mean that they want you back. It just means that there is a very good chance that you can be together, if you play your cards right. Remember, stay calm and don’t do anything stupid that will give them a reason to become indifferent. Check out my How To Get Your Ex Back – 3 Step Plan.

One has to work very hard to build up and maintain a relationship. However, breakups happen more often than we think they do and breakups are really capable of shaking your belief. I am sure that if you have been affected by your breakup deeply, you would certainly want to make your ex pay for all the damage that he has caused. However, if you are planning to cause him any physical harm, my question would be – is that right to do? The answer is a very certain no. Instead, I have a better way to make your ex pay back. Live your life and be happy. Like they say, the best revenge is living well. This will not only make them realize how important you are and were to them, but will also make him pay for their mistakes.  Thus, here are the 5 ways to make your ex pay:

1. To start with, do not cry, beg and plead. Let me tell you that no one ever needs the needy. If you will cry and sob all the time, your ex will definitely run away from you.
2. Minimize the communication between you two. This might not seem as the best idea to you but it can do great wonders. Staying away from your ex will make him miss you and realize your importance in his life.
3. Be sympathetic and understanding. Even if you and your ex are no more in a relationship that does not mean that you will throw things at him or throw him out of the house. Listen to him, his problems and what he has to say. This side of you will make him want to know you even better.
4. Get a social life. Staying at home, locked inside doors will do you no good. I am not asking you to go on a date or anything on those lines. Instead, you should have a friend`s night out. Drink some beer, enjoy and relax. Enjoying a little company will help you divert your attention and become a little cheerful in the mind.
5. Be genuine and do not try to be something that you are not.  The very reason why you and your ex were in a relationship is because he loved what you were. Thus, you don`t have to change and become something else that you never were just to win him back. Stay what you were like when your relationship had started off.