How To Get Your Ex Back – 3 Step Plan

breakups are reversible

In most cases it’s possible to reverse a breakup. Is yours?

Are you hurting from a breakup?

Does everyone you talk to tells you that it’s over, to let it go and move on?

But what if it didn’t have to be over?

What if you want to fight for this relationship and win your ex back?

My name is Kevin, and I am writing this 3 Step plan to help you get your ex back, even if you think your situation is hopeless.

Breakup is a terrible experience. It leaves you in pain, feeling depressed, angry and often very confused. It is common to be needy at this time. But if you want to be together with your ex, you will have to be calm, unresentful, and HAVE A PLAN. Most of the breakups are reversible and if you do the right things at the right time, then you will have your ex back in your arms.

I am here to help you devise that plan. Don’t worry, it’s not some mind tricks that you will have to play on your ex. Playing mind tricks is not the way to go if you want to have a long term healthy relationship with your ex. This plan is based on human psychology and how to use its principles to have a happy relationship with your ex. I encourage you to read everything in this 3 STEP PLAN and then take action. I can only tell you what to do, but until you actually do it, you won’t see any results.

In the first part of this 3 STEP PLAN, I am going to tell you what are the biggest mistakes that people make after they’ve broken up. These extremely common mistakes end up hurting your chances of getting back together. This is perhaps the most important part of this series so make sure you read each and every point and follow it.

#1 Begging, Pleading, Being Too Needy

begging and pleading won't get your ex back

After a breakup people make the biggest mistake of begging their ex to take them back. I know it seems like the right thing to do right after a breakup BUT IT’S NOT. In fact, it is the worst thing you can do at this moment.

Nobody wants to be with a needy person. Pleading and being needy is unattractive and is only going to push your ex further away from you. It will only make them think that they made the right decision by breaking up with you.

#2 The Doormat Syndrome

Being a doormat won't get your ex back

The Doormat Syndrome in relationships is going out of your way, sacrificing your own happiness to please your partner. It means accepting everything that your partner wants you to do without having any demands of your own just to get back with them.

If you find yourself saying things like, “Please stay, I will do anything for you” then you may be suffering from the doormat syndrome.

You don’t want that. Nobody wants that and for two very solid reasons –

a) It’s unattractive. Nobody is attracted to someone who doesn’t have their own opinion, needs, or their hobbies. So being a doormat will most likely be futile if you want your ex back.

b) Even if it does work, you will have an unhappy and smothering relationship which probably won’t last very long. And I am sure that’s not what you want.

#3 Text Terrorism and Drunk Dialing

drunk dialing will hurt your chances of getting your ex back

Alcohol and phone DO NOT go together

This is again a very common mistake and yet detrimental to your chances of getting back together with your ex. People go out to have a few drinks trying to have a good time and the next thing they know they are calling their ex and making a fool out of themselves. Avoid this at all cost.

You have to make yourself scarce if you want to be together with your ex (explained in STEP 2 of this plan). Texting them all the time and calling them just shows that you are too needy and don’t have anything else to do. As I said before, being needy is unattractive and you want to avoid this at all cost.

#4 Smothering Them With Affection

I love you is not something your ex wants to hear right now

Saying “I love you” will NOT help your case

The logical approach to get your ex back seems that you should tell them how much you care for them and how much you love them as soon as possible before it’s too late. But trust me it’s not a good idea.

Well, chances are your ex knows that you love them and they know how much you care for them. In fact, if they were in a relationship with you, then they care for you too. But they decided to breakup anyways, didn’t they?

“I love you” and “I really really care for you” isn’t what your ex needs to hear right now. Smothering them with affection may even push them further away.

 

#5 Giving Them All The Power

At this point, even if it was your ex who broke up with you, you don’t want to give them all the power. You don’t want to be the one who is always available for them. You don’t want to be their contingency plan.

Acting like your life is over without your ex will only lose their respect for you. In the history of breakups, no one has ever taken their ex back out of pity. So, doing such a thing is only going to hurt your chances.

nobody takes their ex back out of pity

No one takes their ex back out of pity. Not even this kid’s ex.

#6 Freaking Out When Your Ex Starts Seeing Someone Else

After a breakup, you feel depressed, angry confused, shattered, and are really hurting. At this moment, if your ex starts seeing someone else, it just tears you apart. You feel even more depressed and confused. And usually, when your ex is in this rebound relationship, they seem to become too intimate too fast, which makes it even worse for you, for example it took them 5 months to get physical with you and they are already sleeping with this new person who they are going with for only a week.

In this situation, DON’T FREAK OUT. Rebound relationships happen after a break up, it’s very very normal. But the good news is that they don’t last. And the reason why they became so intimate with this new person so fast is because it’s hard for a person to go from being so intimate with someone to being completely single. That is why most people (especially girls) will become intimate very soon with their rebound relationship because they are trying to get to that level of intimacy that they had with you. But usually, the faster the rebound relationship progresses, the faster it ends. They will soon realize that the new person isn’t right for them and they were just being intimate to quench their thirst for intimacy. And once they do realize it, they will break up with them.

rebound relationships

Rebound Relationships are like Ice Creams. They aren't healthy and they don't last long.

So if your ex is seeing someone else, all you have to do is just be cool about it. That’s all. Sometimes, they start seeing someone else just to rub in your face that they are moving on. And you should not react to their relationship by telling them they are doing a mistake and they shouldn’t be seeing this new person. This is because if you tell someone to don’t do something, then you can rest assured that is exactly what they will do. In fact, if you do so they will go to the extent of prolonging their rebound relationship just to prove you wrong.

Instead if you do something opposite, and act indifferent to their new relationship and just concentrate on your own life (career, hobbies etc.), it will get them thinking. And their rebound relationship will end soon like all other rebound relationships.

Now the above mistakes look innocent but are fatal for your chances to get back together with your ex. So make sure you don’t do them. I know most of the advice I gave above is counter-intuitive, BUT IT WORKS.

At this point, you may be thinking what if I’ve already made these mistakes?

Don’t worry if you’ve already made these mistakes. Like I said, they are very common and chances are that most of you reading this would have already made some of these mistakes. It’s still not too late. You still have a good chance of getting your ex back. I just ask you to not make any of these mistakes anymore. If need be; print this page out and keep it with you all the time so you don’t do any of these mistake again.

Now That we have covered what you need to avoid, we can move forward to what you need to do. Click below for Step 2.

CLICK HERE FOR STEP 2

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Comments on this entry are closed.

  • jeff November 29, 2011, 3:19 am

    Hi, where do I start? My girlfriend broke up with me on thanksgiving, she basically wants nothing to do with me. We had a big fight about something very stupid. That was the last time I heard from her. She won’t answer my calls or texts. We were together for over 3 years, we lived together for 2 years. We also had a business together. Honestly I feel like my life is pointless without her. I love this girl more then anything in the world. Would love to marry her one day. I have a little bit of a trust issue with her. In the first year of dating she would be sneaky and talk to guys whether it was texting or through Facebook messages. She also went to parties behind my back and recently told me all about it. Well because of all this I kind of became a little controlling. I guess I was doing everything in my power to prevent this from happening again. I am not a bad guy I just don’t want to be hurt again. I really want her back but every time I try to tell her I miss her and we can make this work again she just says I don’t like to be controlled and I want to live my life, but I don’t want to date anyone else.

    SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!!

    • Pru November 30, 2011, 11:47 am

      You said you had a little bit of trust issue with her. The truth is if there is no TRUST in relationship then there is no point for your to pursue this.

      She doesn’t really love you. She is using “I don’t like to be controlled” as an excuse. I know it hurts, but give her time, and YES you can live your life without her. It will take time but one day you will be fine. If she was meant for you she will come back and if not you will find someone who you will trust you and they will make you happy. For now take one day at a time.

    • Shab December 4, 2011, 11:00 am

      Jeff, girls don’t like control. Neither they hate. For now you can just wait doing anything can jeopardize it further. I suggest you give her occasional calls, but don’t nice talk her. Be normal, don’t let your emotions flow, because no one wants to be drowned. Make friends, female, on net anything, I am not asking you to date but to engage your mind elsewhere and don’t say it cannot be done because it can be. Give her and yourself time. True love always calls itself back to where it belongs..

    • Anji December 7, 2011, 1:00 am

      I feel your pain, I really do. She gave you reasons to mistrust her and you still end up looking like the bad guy. Most of the time once you take the pressure off her and give her some space, like 3 weeks NO CONTACT at all, she will willingly come back to you. She’ll forget the controlling, smothering feeling, and remember the good things that she must love in you if you’ve been together that long. I did the same thing in a relationship once but I didn’t give him any breathing room, just kept chasing and apologizing and I ruined my chances of ever getting back together. Be strong. Stay busy and keep your mind off her. Do not text her for any reason. Don’t apologize. She’ll come back in time and give you another chance.

    • Geo geo December 8, 2011, 3:05 pm

      I think she still loves u. Same goes to me, trying to control her. Maybe sometimes you should ask her opinion and try to be tolerate. Mine 2 years already. I never went out with her, date with her, or even hold her hand in the public. but we always study together in the school’s library, eat at the canteen and joining activities at the school together. I was waiting for this year end after her final exam. but unfortunately she broke up with me after that. The promises that have been made were all in vain. I miss her like hell now. T^T

  • T November 30, 2011, 2:14 am

    My boyfriend broke up with me because I let my 4 year old see her dad. He is upset because he doesn’t pay child support. He is 2 years behind but that is no reason for him to break up with me.

  • jessie November 30, 2011, 12:26 pm

    hey I’m Jessie and me and my girlfriend Vanessa are going through a really bad time. I let my jealousy take over and now she is ignoring me. She says she still loves me and she would do anything to stay with me but it just don’t seem real anymore. IDK what to do I’m scared of losing her but at the same time I would be happy for her cause I’m 19 and she is 17. She is still in school. I hate to put her through all the stress of not seeing me but twice a week. Someone tell me what to do.

  • Mariah December 1, 2011, 2:17 am

    Hey…Me and my ex really had a bad issue last year. This year, we decided to try to work it out again…(long story short, the year before he cheated on me with someone I knew) and this year, I just couldn’t handle us at the moment…and I dumped him.

    Now he’s dating some girl and think he’s gotten her pregnant already! She goes to where I go, and…well, we talk-not about him- and she’s head over heels for him; she won’t listen to my warnings! What do I do?

  • lost in the past December 1, 2011, 4:52 pm

    I recently moved back to the city I grew up in. Last year I dated the guy that was my first love in high school. We broke up shortly after. This year we started dating again and things moved real fast, then all of a sudden he decided to go from everyday bf/gf to dating then to friends. We have been dappling in this “friend” stage for over a month and I don’t know what to do. I even asked him if he would think about going out on a date again. Which he told me he would have to think about it. Still haven’t heard an answer. We talk everyday and see each other all the time. We act as if we are still together. BUT we’re not. I love this man but I am coming to the point. I either need him to be with me or out of my life. Yet I really want to win him back, HOW DO I DO THAT?

    • Cate December 19, 2011, 3:04 am

      I am going through a similar situation. My ex and I are in that same grey zone of claiming we’re not dating but acting like we are. I think you should distance yourself and really act like a friend. Don’t make yourself constantly available. I doubt he really wants to just be friends. When he realizes what it’s like to not have you romantically, he’ll probably come running back. If not, then he just isn’t ready to handle a romantic relationship with you.

  • Katrina December 2, 2011, 12:05 am

    Hi I’m Katrina and last year I broke up with my boyfriend..:(..I’m 12 yrs old and going on 13 and I miss him!! Me and him used to always hang out, we’d always get in trouble together, and everything! Then, he asked me out and of course I said yes but.. He became over obsessive… He constantly was over me.. Then I don’t know what happened but I got really mad at him and I left him. I totally broke his heart. I thought “Well.. that’s what happens in life..”. And I totally didn’t care what he felt or thought. Every time he looked at me I would give him dirty looks even though I was mean to him, he still smiled at me. Then I moved on and I dated someone else. That made him hurt even worse, he was in depression for months! Then I started getting in a serious relationship with my new boyfriend and I thought he really loved me! But he dumped me 2 weeks later! Then I started to think of how my ex felt. I suffered from my recent breakup and from guilt of how I treated him. I want him back so much! Then he decided to move on. He’s now dating a popular mean girl at my school. Is it too late?

    • Anymomous December 28, 2011, 6:27 am

      It probably isn’t too late to get him back, assuming that he knows that this girl is mean. If you notice him sitting with his arm around his new girl, but keeps stealing glances at you, then looking away quickly or holding your gaze with a smile that might pass off for dangerous, especially if he looked at you with his head lowered slightly, that usually means that he is trying to get you to notice. He is most likely trying to think of ways to get you back, first by trying jealousy. If it is jealousy, it probably won’t last, particularly if he didn’t show signs of liking her before you broke up. If he really wants you back, then after he dumps this mean popular girl, you guys are talking and he tries to act casual when admitting that he still likes you. Like if you ask “so _____ what’s up?”

      “nothing much, just working through it.”

      Or something else to imply that he wants you to ask for more information. Press for it. If you ask him if he still likes you and he replies with a little too much ease something like “haha. Yes. A LOT. But it doesn’t matter. You’ve already made your decision and I’ll respect that.”

      Don’t let it end there. Quietly imply that you miss him too and talk for a while, and then, if you feel the time is right, shyly ask if he would want to go see a movie or hang out at the park, or do something else together. If he asks if anyone else is going, ask him if he wants anyone to. This is key: do not accept yes as his answer. Say: “you don’t want anyone else to go do you?” make it a statement more than a question. If he asks you if you want anyone else to go, say no, and plan a meeting.

      Note: there are a lot of if’s in this letter. Generally, this is the way the cookie crumbles though and he is probably just as confused and hurt as you are.

  • Cynthia December 4, 2011, 9:22 pm

    So, me and my ex have been together for over 2 and half years. He is 2 years older than me. I met him when I was 16 and he was 18. We dated for nine months and because of our culture we were married. He and I were always torn by each others family during our relationship when we were dating, but we managed to be happy. When we got married, I was really happy to be with him and he was too. We lived with his family because we were so young and could not afford to live on our own. During the first couple of months of marriage, we were very happy but since we were so young we began to have problems, they were little problems but we later resolved them. But since we lived under his family we had to obey their rules, then they started controlling him and he began to lose love for me. In my culture a wife is supposed to be very active and by active I mean clean and cook everyday. But I was still finishing high school. But since we are in America, they aren’t supposed to expect so much from me because I am in school, I’m young, and I don’t have a job. His parents and grandparents always yelled at me and called me lazy. They blamed me for everything. But I didn’t understand why they didn’t like me even if I did the things they wanted. I knew that I wasn’t the perfect wife but my husband loved me so I kept my hopes up. My husband would obey his family, all I wanted was for him to love me again like he used to. He began to neglect me and he lost his affection towards me. He was on and off with his emotions. At points he would be all lovey dovey with me and it would make me so happy, and at other times he would just be mean and ungrateful. I don’t blame anyone but I know that he is very influenced by his family. They didn’t like me one bit, (by family I mean his parents and his grandparents–his siblings loved me, I did everything I could to be a good wife for him.) My husband didn’t even protect me. I began to break down. I wanted my husband to love me again. He does love me, but his family made him believe that he doesn’t and that I am a bad person. He always told me that he loves me and that if I change for him first, he will make sure of my happiness. I gave him all of the time that he needed, I changed myself but that only made him distant from me. It got to the point where his grandparents and parents kept trying to break us apart. They said they would help me but they lied and didn’t help me at all. Even my marriage advisers couldn’t help me. I didn’t want to lose him, but in the end, his family made us get divorced. We were married for a year and a half.

    Right now we are newly divorced, it hasn’t even been 2 months. I tried to get over him, but he contacted me and then he and I started to talk again. He told me that he still loves me and he came to visit me too even though we aren’t allowed to see one another. He told me to wait and be patient and that when we graduate from college then we can be together again. I am in my first year of nursing school and he is in his second year of pre-law. Since he made me so happy again and that we were talking and helping one another out, I thought everything was good but things got suspicious. I then found out that he’s been talking to another girl. All of his friends told me not to worry, his friends want us to be back together too. But then one night he texts me and tells me that he is moving on and wants me to stop contacting him. He said that he won’t talk to me anymore either. He then said that he was letting me go but he still loves me. He sends all of these signals, he’s so confusing.

    The next day after that he tells me that he is going to ask that girl he has been talking for only a month. This killed me because it was out of no where and he asked me about what I thought about it. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want him to move on. I want him back in my life. I really really love him.

    I know that if he is reminded of me and how much we fought to be with each other then he will come back to me but I can’t do anything at this point but wait until he realizes that he made a mistake and that he still loves me.

    I want him back, We were each others first everything.

  • black diva December 5, 2011, 7:24 pm

    i have been in a relationship with this guy for 2 years and 4 months. I broke up with him because his best friend told me that he was cheating on me with another girl. I ask him if it was true he said no. So a week pass they come to me and show me his PSP when I look on his PSP there was the girl’s pic so I broke up with him. I really miss that guy, I can’t get my mind off of him. I am failing just because I don’t have him.

  • danica December 5, 2011, 11:16 pm

    We broke up for almost a year now. 2 months after we broke up he asked me for a second chance but it didn’t happen because he had a relationship with someone else. Do I still have a chance to get him back even though its been a year?

  • Krystal December 6, 2011, 7:33 am

    hey…I don’t know if this is even worth my time but I’m gonna try…anyways my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me in July (3 days after my birthday) and I have been very confused, upset, and just a mess. I didn’t see this coming at all. In June I found out that I was pregnant and even tho it was unexpected, we both accepted it and seemed very excited about it, and we’re even talking about what we we’re gonna do with our house before the baby gets here. Maybe even buying a new house together. But then July comes around and he tells me that he is breaking up with me because he doesn’t love me anymore and he needs his space and that he didn’t wanna have a family with me. So of course I couldn’t accept that and I wanted a better explanation because in my opinion we had a great relationship, minus the few problems that everybody has and my insecurity which I was slowly getting over because I felt that having this baby would make us closer and I wouldn’t feel so insecure anymore. But he just didn’t want to work anything out and I couldn’t figure out why he didn’t want to because we have a baby coming. But the last few months I haven’t really talked to him. Only to try and get the rest of my stuff outta his house. I have let him have his space but it seems like he doesn’t miss me or want me back at all and I want him so much. I want our baby to have a family but I don’t think he wants me back. Is there any chance that we could be together again? ‘Cause I feel like it’s hopeless:( and I don’t know what to do anymore and our baby is due January 27 2012. Thanks for listening 😛

  • brittany December 7, 2011, 12:15 am

    I wish I could get back with my ex but he wants to date my cousin Ashley.

  • sarah December 8, 2011, 4:14 am

    My guy and I were together a little over a year. We went through almost everything a couple can. We remained faithful through 2 moves, 2 job changes, I lost a brother, and we lost a pregnancy(100% unplanned). He is one of the first people when I moved from Texas to Pittsburgh. He stopped acknowledging me, and we work in the same office. I am so lonely.

  • opiru norbert December 8, 2011, 4:55 pm

    She left me just like that without giving me a substantive reason for some one else even after being nice to her.

    • Eve December 11, 2011, 3:27 pm

      Ask her why first ’cause there is always a reason and maybe when u find out the reason then u will know how to get her back by yourself 🙂

  • Sarah December 10, 2011, 8:50 pm

    I have been in an on/off relationship for 2 years with my babies father. I love him and he loves me too. The problem is that I pressured him to marry me when I was 18 years old because he got me pregnant. He has commitment phobia and admitted it to me and said he would think about if we can make it work or not. I really hope he decides to work it out with me. My question is should I wait, is there any hope?

  • Eve December 11, 2011, 3:16 pm

    Okay I honesty don’t know where to begin..last year I fell in love with a senior in my school. I was only 13 an 8th grader and b4 I fell in love with him, he became my best friend, we would call each other everyday during spring break. We would talk for hours until it was morning. I thought he was everything in the world to me…and I guess he was.we rested amazing memories in the last months of his high school year and my middle school year. I realized that I loved him when he told that he cared. About me. About us. People started saying we were going put but, we weren’t. My best friends knew how much I liked him and I would talk about him all the time…he got a girlfriend and I knew it wouldn’t last and it didn’t. He tried getting back together with his ex but, the same thing happened. After he graduated…he left. Came back when I started my freshmen year in high school…asked me put on august 6th 2011 and 2 days later dumped me, broke my heart ’cause of the age difference…he is 18 and I am 14 now…he got a girlfriend that he said he loves a week after and I lost touch from him…I lost him and I can’t get over him…I had 2 boyfriends afterwards but, it didn’t change my feeling for him and I still love him even though I haven’t seen him in 5 months or spoken to him in 3 🙁
    I just want help in moving on…

  • sharmishta December 12, 2011, 3:11 pm

    My heart is beating for him and I can’t live without him. I feel like I am breathing just to love him. I can’t live without him. I don’t know whether he is loving me or is it just lust.

  • mike December 13, 2011, 3:59 pm

    Hey, I’m going through a break up right now where the girl is seriously destroying my mind. I do have to say I have made all these mistakes yet have stopped recently, she has basically left me and started hooking up with a best friend, I know its rough to forgive but after 3 years I would really like for her to learn from her mistakes and have this relationship work. Since I have stopped making these mistakes she is saying stuff like “I’m going crazy” “I’m loosing my mind” “I want you” “I love you”, now I do know this could be easily a trap for me being dragged right back into it and hurt again. I’m trying to do shit the right way. please tell me how I should handle it because I do not wanna do it wrong and push her further away!

  • Pat December 13, 2011, 6:18 pm

    Hey,

    I came across this excellent post and had to share my story. I dated my girlfriend for 8 years (she was 15, me 17). We’re now 25 and 23. We lived together for 3 years, we moved across the country and back (economic reasons). We had a fantastic relationship; I’m sure everyone says that, but we really did. Very little arguing, very passionate. Four weeks ago she got angry with me because she read texts I sent to another girl (non-sexual). I was drunk, it was stupid, but obviously meant nothing. One week later, she moved out of our condo without warning. I was forced to move out as well. She changed her phone number. I gave her space, I sent her only a few emails; I was proud of myself for this. But then, last night, on Facebook some guy posts that he is watching a movie with my (ex) girlfriend. My heart sunk to the center of the earth. I drove to her house immediately, knocked on the door. They didn’t answer. I was literally hunched over on the cement puking and crying. My friend was on the phone with me helping me. No one came outside; then the cops showed up. After about 30 minutes and embarrassing myself in front of two male police officers by crying, I left, without ever getting to see her. I did see her family, her new thug rebound, and her through a window in her house. I was told never to return, or I’d be jailed. No, I never cheated on her. No, I was never abusive. I cannot be more clear in how great our relationship was. This is a call for help, and for advice. She lost her virginity to me, and has never been with anyone else. I’m so sick. But this blog was word for word the truth about what is going on with me. Eight years, and ONE WEEK later, she’s with someone else. I need help.

  • Adam December 13, 2011, 11:15 pm

    Hi, me and my girlfriend of nearly 4 years recently broke up, she finished it. She finished me by text which killed me, she said she didn’t think we had a future together and that we were two different people who wanted different things. I knew what I wanted, “her”, she was everything to me! A few months prior to the breakup we were discussing moving in together and taking our relationship to the next level. I was so happy and content with her. It’s been 3 weeks since we broke up and I have been told that 4 days after we broke up she was round at some guys house till 5 AM. After hearing this I was devastated, I couldn’t eat or sleep for days. I’m really struggling to move on and try and forget about her but I can’t, I think about her all day every day. I’ve joined the gym to try and take my mind off her but it’s not working. HELP!

  • Sara December 14, 2011, 12:32 am

    Well I had a boyfriend for a year. It was the best relationship ever. We planned to marry. It was a distance relationship but he always told me I prefer to wait for some time and later spend the rest of my life with you. He even told his parents about me. He always said I have dreamed of you since I was a child. If I don’t marry you he said I’ll never marry again. Easter time 2 years ago I went to see him but the first day I arrived he told me I love you but can’t be together anymore without explanation. But I found out people had said bad things about me. It has been 2 years since then and none of us have got new Partners. We still love each other so much but dnt talk to each other. Can somebody please tell me what you think will happen with us?

  • Yohns December 14, 2011, 9:54 am

    Hi.. It’s happened to me too. I was with my ex for 4 years, she was my world. When we met she was just about to start Uni and I’d finished Uni.. so I’m a few years older.

    When we first met, I warned her that we should not continue the relationship cause when she got further in to Uni she might want time/space/independence but she promised me and convinced me she wouldn’t and that she would always want me. Turns out I was right. We broke up a few months ago because she was falling behind in her studies and needed to put them first. I told her I would give her more space and we would just see each other when we had time but she said she also needs to discover herself, and needs time to be single.

    She realized the promise she broke, and said sorry which seemed like a very small consolation.

    Now I remember this one day, when I’d brought a box of her stuff in to her workplace and then I got the bus home. I was staring out of the window but not really looking at where I was, not taking anything physical in and I missed my bus stop. I walked the long way home and people walking past me were laughing and joking and this felt so alien. How could there be this happiness?? That was my worst point..

    .. since then we have met but as ‘friends’.. we still love each other and I generally cope with it OK. My problem is, when I drink – the next day I dwell on things, beat myself up and get myself in to a depressive state of mind that’s a bit like the feeling I had when I missed the bus.

    I hate feeling like that. It’s torture. So I’ve decided to make a few changes. I’m not drinking at all until I’m happy, I’m going to run to work and get in shape, I’m not going to miss football training, I’m going to eat a little healthier, I’m going to see more old friends in a non drinking environment and maybe get a new hobby by doing this. I’ve already arranged a new year yoga every Wednesday with a friends and hope to see more friends and live my life..

    .. Thing is, I would take my ex back. But it’s not going to happen by drinking, smoking, alienating myself and dwelling on the past.

    Another thing I’m changing is I’m not going to text or call my ex.. if she sees that I’m loving life without her maybe she’ll realize what and who she’s missing out on. If not, I’m loving life anyway and maybe some one else will see this in me.

    Cheers

    Mark

  • Jessica December 14, 2011, 11:56 pm

    So my boyfriend of seven months just left me because he is under a lot of stress and cant handle a girlfriend right now. His dog just died, he had knee surgery and he is a wrestler and is busy! The breakup was out of the blue and he said we may get back together. And a few days later he said he didn’t know if he still loves me and kinda has feelings for me. I’ve barley slept and have barley ate anything due to my anxiety. He was my world and everything! I feel so dead and scared and can’t handle being like this! I need to know how to win him back! Please help me!

  • Ruby December 15, 2011, 12:35 am

    Okay well my boyfriend and I have been fighting about small stupid stuff recently and I always blamed him for everything. He is a very sensitive guy and will take anything to the heart. He recently broke up with me because the last fight put it over the top. It’s been a week now but I have completely broken all these rules. I begged him for days and kept texting him. After the 4th day he just stopped responding. I met up with him the 5th day and we got into an argument and I basically begged him to come back the whole time. He said he didn’t want to be with me because I always fought about everything and that he knew I would change but I would just go back to the old me. That he didn’t want to be in the same position in a few months because I didn’t change. And he told me straight in the eye that he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. I don’t know what to do? I seriously do love him and the way he was with me the whole relationship, he truly loved me too. . and most importantly our families were close and I knew his parents like he knew mine.

  • Jdogstray December 16, 2011, 2:46 am

    My ex girlfriend broke up with me about 3 weeks ago and we dated for 2 years and already she told me she likes another guy.. I see her often and it hurts so much seeing them together they’re not even dating and it looks like they are. They will be dating soon. The guy has been waiting to date her for sometime now and she tells me she might love him. Or it seems that way. I miss her dear. It hurts and breaks my heart seeing her with him and I noticed I have been doing some mistakes mentioned. I want her back so much. She told me what we had was amazing and if she started liking me again she would tell me..

    This is the hardest break up ever..I need a lot of support and help to “move on” …

  • Lauren December 16, 2011, 12:47 pm

    Hey guys, my boyfriend of almost 8 months broke up with me about 2 months ago. I miss him more than anything and I miss our relationship so much. We loved each other more than anything and we were best friends, it was such a solid relationship. We were good friends for at least a year before we started dating so we felt we knew each other so well. I tried to stop the contact and it did work for a while, he was texting me and Facebook messaging me, but then he just became angry and thought I was being immature. So now we’re good friends and even though he won’t admit to it, I know for a fact that he’s chasing after another girl. Every time we spend time together I can still feel something there. I know why he broke up with me, I just need help on getting him back.

  • avi December 16, 2011, 5:20 pm

    I am a teacher, and I love a student from another higher secondary school. She is very pretty and we had been in a relationship for 3 years now! She comes to my place once a month and stays for 2 to 3 days. I always pay her fees and buys what she likes. But at the same time she chats and talks with guys from which I usually find she is flirting. So, I controlled her not to go out at night, or talk too much on phone. Recently, she was flirting with a guy again and I caught her red handed. I pushed her as she was trying to come near me. After that I told her I’ll leave her but now she is willing. (in the beginning of our relationship if I tried to break with her she cried a lot) but now its me. I can’t forget her as I gave her my everything and wants to be with her only. What did I do wrong in this relationship of mine? What should I do now?

  • jason December 16, 2011, 9:33 pm

    OK here it goes, me and my wife have been married for 12 years, been together for 14. Everything had been going pretty good, up until about 2 years ago. I had been playing cards online and had been talking with this girl that was my partner, well for some stupid reason I gave this girl my cell#, and it was never anything more than hey you playing cards, never got sexual and I never developed feelings for her. Anyways my wife found out and I did lie about it at first but then later that day admitted to texting her, I told my wife I was sorry and I promised her and myself I would not do that again, and I haven’t. Fast forward 2 years, just out of the blue she says she wants a divorce, says she’s lost herself and she doesn’t know who she is anymore. She says that she don’t think she can ever trust me anymore because of what happened 2 years ago with this girl. So I move out and a couple of days later she says just give her sometime. Well I didn’t, was so confused I had to know right now what was going on, so for about 2 weeks stupidly, I hounded her cause I wanted to know now. So then she said she wanted a divorce but wanted to be civil and remain friends. But then I start finding out that she is texting and calling “old friends” that are guys, she keeps saying there is nothing going on but I caught her at one of their house at 230 AM “just playing cards” so I blew up and went and got divorce papers, she signed them, I filed them and she keeps saying she wants to be friends. We are about 6 weeks away from our divorce being final and when I went over to the house to get some more of my things she kisses me and not a little kiss either, she kept wanting me to have sex with her, keeps saying there is nothing wrong with her having guys as friends, and I agreed that there wasn’t but when you are calling and texting them more than 30+ times in a week well that seams like more than a friend to me. I am just so lost and confused, I don’t want to lose her but don’t know what else to do. Thanks.

  • Jo December 17, 2011, 9:55 pm

    Hey,
    My boyfriend of a year and a half has just broken up with me a few days ago, we live together and work in the same organization. We have had a lot of stress these last few months and he says that he wishes that we could work but that we won’t and he says he loves me with all his heart but it doesn’t matter because we won’t work and he wants to be by himself. I am heartbroken, I’ve never been dumped before, I cant stop crying. It wouldn’t be so hard if I knew he didn’t love me anymore but he says he does and I really don’t want to go but he wants me out of the house by tomorrow night. I’m so sad and so scared and I don’t know what to do with myself. I know I don’t need him but he is all I want. He said he wanted to marry me one day and that he loved me more than he’d ever loved anyone and I don’t know how to fix it as this is only my 2nd relationship and he has had many. I am 23 and he is 35.
    I’m so sad, please help :C x

  • jenny December 18, 2011, 12:30 pm

    OK. I really love this guy who is damn flirty but I know that he loves me too from the core of his heart. So, to make him jealous I once lied that I am gonna go out with a new guy. He took it damn seriously and now he says that he too will see some new girl. I don’t want that to happen and if that happens, tell me what to do.

    • Thorbjoern Barone January 10, 2012, 7:42 pm

      I experienced the same situation as you once, I would suggest you tell him, that you actually like him, that you wanted his attention and you told what you thought was a white lie.

      I’m sure he would appreciate you told the truth.

  • Alex December 19, 2011, 12:42 am

    This all started last Tuesday.

    Alright, I am a natural bitch, I have been told by all my friends. But, I guess I gave my boyfriend the “I am better than him” look, and one of his friends went up to him and asked if we were still dating, his reply to that was “I don’t know.” Then they started laughing, so it could have been joking, but I really like this guy. So, that night I texted him and asked if we were still together, he said “Are we?” I said “Hopefully”, his reply to that was “Yeah.” So the next day, we did not talk at all to each other, or the next day, but on Thursday, my friend asked if we were still together, he said yeah, and he also said he wasn’t planning on breaking up with me. It made me really happy hearing that from him. But on Friday, I went to his house to hang out with him, all we did was hold hands. He walked me home that night, like any gentleman would do, and he walked me to my door, he was going to kiss me, and I turned my head, not knowing what was going on. I felt like an idiot. It is now Sunday night, I went to his house, and his step-mom said he was talking about breaking up with me cause there is drama starting between the relationship. I saw him hanging out with friends a couple hours later, and all he did was smile and wave.
    I really really like this guy, and I do not want to lose him, is there any way to make it not so awkward between us, or try to get our relationship stronger? I sure hope so. (:

  • sanaz December 19, 2011, 10:08 pm

    My boyfriend and I had been together for 10 months. He really loved me and talked about marrying me indirectly but after ten months I asked him if he is serious about it. But he said he never meant that. I wanted to break up but he begged me and after 2 months he himself broke up with me. After 4 months I saw him and begged him to come back again and we were together but after 2 months, he left me without saying a word. This time I didn’t beg him and tried to forget him. 2 months later he saw me on the street but I didn’t give a damn to him. After awhile he sent me an sms and politely asked whether he can call me or not. I answered him and he wanted to see me but very politely I tried to pretend I am busy and we can try it later. I am sure he wants to come back to me but I don’t know what I should do to make him call me again and make him love me more than before. I want to be with him again but I don’t want him think I am obtainable and he can leave me whenever he wants. Please help me, how I can make him thirsty of myself while keeping him?

  • Hannah December 20, 2011, 2:00 am

    Hi my boyfriend and I just broke up about a few weeks ago. He has issue with my past and wants to bring it up all the time! It got to the point to where it was no longer necessary to keep bringing up the past! In the beginning there were things I was not completely honest about but we ended up working that out. He is in the national guard and when he was gone for two weeks I had texted a guy friend of mine because we have known each other for 3 years and we played volleyball together. Anyway I texted him and asked if we were gonna play VB that week. After I talked to him I just had deleted it, never did I think about my bf getting upset with me about it! So he did, he couldn’t stand it! So just a few weeks ago he started saying I was hiding things from him and he thinks that me and that guy hooked up while he was gone etc etc. Now I know y’all don’t know me but I am not that typed of person. I was and still am very much in love with my ex boyfriend but he thinks that my past is so important and he is so sure I’m hiding things and me and that other guy hooked up. Which we never did. He even talked to the guy himself and the guy told him we were just good friends. My ex bf also had given me a promise ring which meant the world to me! I just don’t understand why he keeps flipping out. Now I did try and text him but all he is being is a jerk to me. He just says for me to leave him alone and stop texting and calling him! He also has a problem with taking pills called Adderal which is prescribed to him but I think he doesn’t need them and he just takes them to make him feel good! He suffers from anxiety and he is on medications for that too! His last breakup before me was really bad! I wish I could get him back because I know the guy he can be and he’s not acting like that right now! Everybody tells me I don’t need someone like that but we were together almost a year in January! My feelings are still so strong for him and even though he is acting like this towards me I know that deep down inside him he has to feel the same. But he is so convinced that I cheated on him etc! What should I do? I would love to win his heart back but its hard not knowing how he truly and really feels!

  • allison December 20, 2011, 5:08 am

    Hi, I’m Allison. I broke up with my boyfriend about 6 months ago and I still miss him very much. But on the good side he texted me on Friday and said that he wanted to go to the movies with me and he talked to me like we were dating again and I was so exited. But he has not texted me at anytime after he said that and I chatted him on Facebook and said hey but I got no response. Do I text him and ask if we are still going or do I wait until the day of. Please respond I really need to know. Thanks!

  • paul December 20, 2011, 7:04 am

    Hi, I am a nervous wreck. My girlfriend broke up up with me and I’m devastated. I supported her for a long time and guess I forgot about the simple things that make a relationship work. (cinema, teddy bear, massages, etc.). Each time she told me she was unhappy I’d just say go then or leave. I took her for granted for too long. She just got a job two weeks ago and has socialized with some new friends and guess just thought she’s wasting her life with me. She says God only knows she loves me to pieces but she does not think she will be happy with me for the rest of her life. She doesn’t feel hurt when I text after day 1 and didn’t cry collecting her stuff. I am so so utterly upset and in despair. I’m longing for her and I just have that feeling that you know she ain’t coming back. Thing is I left the northern hemisphere with her 9 months ago and now I’m here by myself cause we were each others best friend. I just don’t know how to cope. I am fighting not to text her but I’m also scared if I leave it too long she will move on to another guy and this would utterly kill me. Please reply, I want her with me at Xmas but just don’t know what to do. Please I love this girl more than words can say.

    • Joe December 21, 2011, 1:10 am

      Paul I am in the exact same type of situation as you. I think something we have to remember is they did love us and they did care greatly for us, and yeah we may have messed up, but I believe it takes more then the lack of affection we may have shown, because I believe from what I’m reading, you showed are exes great affection at times and I’m sure we made them happier then they could ever be without us. Its impossible trust me I know but we need to believe that if we focus on ourselves and give them there space, our girls will start to think more and more of how they miss us. Good luck.

  • Angelika December 20, 2011, 7:42 am

    Hi my name is Angelika. My boyfriend and I just broke up, but he told me that we didn’t break up cause he didn’t like me he just wanted a break so I thought everything would be fine but in just two days he found another girl and didn’t tell be about it, I heard it from his friend. They are not going out but it hurt me cause I thought he still liked me and I wasn’t thinking and told him how much I liked him and was apologizing to him and now he is done with me and wants nothing to do with me. Then I deleted him off my friend on Facebook and he asked me about it and we got in another fight. And he was so happy that we were done. Idk what to do I like him so much and everyone is telling me to let go cause he moved on but I still think there is a chance for us. But my friend texted him asking how’s the girl problem and he said he is so happy, I finally stopped texting him. I feel like there is no more hope for me and I’ve cried for 7 days straight I didn’t eat hardly at all and I lost 10 pounds from this whole thing I just want this to be over and I didn’t want to hurt him. I just want us to be back together with him. He will never like me again there is no more hope for me.

  • Jack December 20, 2011, 12:22 pm

    I broke up with my girlfriend and I regret it. I had no real reason to break up with her. I really want her back but she says she lost feelings for me and told me to move on. We still are friends. I feel hurt because I would often reminisce about the past.

  • Joe December 21, 2011, 1:05 am

    My ex and I were together for about a year and a half, and while we were together I didn’t treat her the way she deserved, and it was my own personal mistake. But she loved and cared for me more then anyone ever has. I loved her but was not willing to sacrifice the way she was for me and that eventually got to her. She broke up with me a month ago and over the month we have kept contact, and while she was just asking for space and always holding the possibility of us getting back together, I acted the wrong way, coming off as desperate and needy for the majority of the time. I was afraid so much of her having more fun without me. I feel after reading this and after trying so hard, and failing, I feel I am completely ready to follow the steps on this page because I need to win her back. Do you think I still have a shot?

    • cody January 3, 2012, 8:38 pm

      Dude I’m in the same boat except she broke up with me about a week ago. I love her to death. She’s everything to me. I’m 17 and she’s 19. She says I act immature. And I do. But I’m willing to change everything to get her back. I treated her like complete shit. I’m hoping this advice help me. Wish you luck too.

  • Mandy December 21, 2011, 2:18 pm

    My ex and I weren’t together long but we developed strong feelings fast and he always told me why he likes me, complimenting, kind, and thoughtful to my feelings. We were getting to the point of telling each other we love one another. Now he ALWAYS texted me first, called me and always thought about me, and I enjoyed it and went with it but had my guard up a little still and always just waited until he got back to me instead of texting him loads of times. He even told me he was falling in love with me in a way, and right after the day he did is when something went wrong. We went to a local show at a bar and I told him I knew one of the guys in the band through a past ex but forgot to actually tell him that I had went out with that guy a couple times nearly 2 years ago, it was in the past and I honestly didn’t think anything of it. We were just looking for a show to go to and that’s all. Now I ran into that guy after coming out of the bathroom and he saw me and said “hi” and stuff and who I was there with, at right at that moment I just went to my bf and introduced them and they started talking about music, and during when they were talking I thought to myself “WTF did I just do” my bf is talking to a guy I went out with and he doesn’t even know it and I started to feel extremely uncomfortable. But when they got done talking my bf asked me how exactly I knew him and I told him the truth and he just kinda felt embarrassed and got quiet on me, then later when we got home, we talked about it and I had also dropped another bomb on him and told him I saw someone there I had hooked up with again almost 2 years ago though. He just felt vulnerable with me after that, he stayed the night but had to leave for work in the morning and he told me he was coming back that night, but as the day went on I texted him actually about an hour after he left that morning and all day I heard nothing from him until about 5 PM saying he needs space and time to think. That’s where I messed up and begged him to come back so we can talk about this and kept texting and calling him, and all that outing up like that freaked him out. We met up a week later and talked about it all for about 4 hours and he broke up with me. He told me he was freaked out that I didn’t respect his space that day and really felt embarrassed that he unknowingly talked to a guy I had dated in the past. But it went mainly on that, I freaked him out with the way I acted and that he also thought about things more and right now isn’t the best time for him to be in a relationship, he’s busy with school and work 5 days out of the week having 14hr days each day, and that he’s just not ready for this, his anxiety is bad, and my anxiety is also bad. That day we talked, was really emotional for both of us, we both cried and hugged several times, I can tell he really didn’t want to end it deep inside but right now felt he had to to keep his sanity to get through school and work. When we had to end our meetup he walked me to my door and we had one last kiss, he told me he would text me tomorrow which he did as he promised. He still wants to be friends and he wants to be there for me and talk, he wants me to talk to him like a real friend like with how I’m doing and dealing with this. We were only together for like 2 weeks but that felt like a lifetime, and we get each other so well, we have never had a fight or anything, everything was as perfect as it could be just until the Friday after thanksgiving when we went to that show and the following day I freaked out with the calls/texts. We broke up that next Friday (Dec 2nd). I want him back so badly, I haven’t eaten and have lost weight by not eating, I’m depressed as I have ever been and actually went to the ER for having a first anxiety/panic attack, and I probably made a mistake that I told him a couple days later I was in the ER. I am so miserable I have been held up in my room depressed for over 2-3 weeks, I have nothing to offer him or anyone else but love and support, I have no job, no car and no money, I have only one best friend that I just fucked things up with too because I can’t keep myself together. I don’t know what to do anymore. He’s 26 and has been married before for about 2 years with his GF and she cheated on him and he divorced her, he’s been through all that and I feel like a child because I haven’t experienced anything like that, I’m 22 and have only been in love once when I was a teen, he’s the only other person I really cared for on a “love” type level. He always acted first when we met, with sharing feelings and the calls and texts and everything else. He knows I am miserable right now and I feel like I’m losing him more now as just a friend. Any advice? I’m a wreck right now and not sure how soon or not to contact him or wait until he contacts me, because sometimes he does.

  • Lilth December 22, 2011, 1:01 am

    Me and my boyfriend were talking last night and I asked a stupid question and then he made it into a weight thing and now he has been ignoring me for the past two days. I want to talk to him before Christmas break, but I think he might break up with me, please help me. Me and him have had an on and off relationship, we see each other a lot and he hugs me in front of his friends, but I think he hates me now.

    Help, please!

    What do I do?

  • shea December 22, 2011, 2:33 am

    okay so I was dating this girl for almost 4 years and before school started, she dumped me over the phone. I still haven’t gotten over her and its been a month. I see her every day at school and she acts like nothing happened. She won’t tell me why she dumped me, and to make things worse my best friend is flirting with her! I have no idea what to do. Please, give me advice!

  • Karina December 22, 2011, 7:58 pm

    So I broke up with my bf after being together on and off for one year and almost two months. Well anyways he would always hide messages from girls and lied to me. I love him to death and I’m kinda happy that I am single but I am starting to get that feeling where I am missing him.

    • Joe December 29, 2011, 6:20 pm

      There’s not much you can do in this situation. You should move on.

  • Lauren December 23, 2011, 5:15 am

    So I must say thank you because after a month of being broken up me and my boyfriend are back together. Our 10 months is in a week and a half and I can’t wait. We are happier and healthier in our relationship and I couldn’t ask for more. 🙂

  • Laurie December 23, 2011, 6:50 pm

    Oh! My story is long! My Ex and I got a divorce in 2005 at his request, but we have always loved one another and continued to try and make it work with continued failures up until as recent as June 2011. On Thanksgiving Day he texted me stating “I Miss and LOVE you” I responded letting him know that I felt the same way – but we had no further contact until December 19, 2011 when I sent a text asking if we could try again. I told him that I am in love with him and always have been and that I did not want to waste another moment without him. I received a very painful reply that he had met someone the day before Thanksgiving and wanted to pursue that relationship and not me. I immediately tried calling (3 or 4 times) and sent I don’t know how many texts begging him to give us a chance. He finally called on December 22, to tell me he was extremely angry that I was all of a sudden in love with him – now that he has met someone he really likes. He said he needed “space” I did make a request that he let me know what he meant by “space”, how much time did he need – he could not tell me. I felt I should have some boundaries rather than allowing him to hold on to me while dating someone new. I ask him if I should move on or not and he said to forget about him. That hurt! You see our life has lasted so long for one another under significant circumstances. In my heart I think he still loves me (he will not tell me he does not love me anymore). We have loved each other for so long. I don’t know what to do? Should I just let it be and not to contact him at all. I don’t know if I should fight for him or not? What should I do? Comments????

  • Aiman December 23, 2011, 8:28 pm

    Its almost 3 months since we guys broke up. We are still friends. One night I texted him that it’s not working and we guys broke up. The reason why I broke up was that he was behaving weirdly, he didn’t have time for me. It was kind of irritating. I asked him many times what’s the matter, why he’s behaving so differently these days, if he’s not happy then we should end it up.. But every time he replies nothing like that. But I knew something was wrong. Then one day I broke up with him. He said that we can still be friends and I agreed to it.. After few days my friend (mutual between us) told me that the night I broke up with him the same night he texted my friend asking “I want to end the relationship..what should I do?” When she told me I felt like kicking his *** that when I was asking then he simply can’t tell me that he wanted the break up, that’s why he was behaving so weirdly. Then again after some more days my friend (another mutual friend between us) told me that when he inquired him about relationship then he told her that yeah he was in a relationship with me and *he* broke up because he was not serious about our relation, he couldn’t give me any importance in his life, I’m a bore and dull, and he even asked her to suggest a girl for him. I was so broken and wanted to murder him.

    I used to get his forwarded texts but I ignored those and starting going out more often just to divert my attention from missing him. It was not at all easy not to talk to him and ignore his texts but I fought back with my emotions and avoided talking to him. I use to miss him badly. Then exactly after 10 days of our break up was his birthday and that I just couldn’t control myself and called him up and wished him. I thought I can move on and I have but that night after talking to him I found myself thinking about him. Slowly we guys started exchanging texts *normal talk* not that much but still we manage to have a chit-chat daily. I again tried stop talking to him but I just can’t. I can’t even go a single day without talking with him. It makes me frustrated and upset when we don’t talk. I can’t see him flirting with another girls. Our normal talk kills me. I miss those days so badly and I guess I still love him and want him back.

    Really don’t know what to do.. It has been 3 months since we guys broke up and I’m still not able to forget him nor those memories.. I want that time back. I want him back :((
    He’s still single :p

  • Holly December 23, 2011, 11:35 pm

    My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me mid-October via email. I wrote back to him after he wouldn’t return my calls and asked if he had met someone else? He replied “I’m not even looking”. I was quite hurt and said some things that I regret. It is now the end of Dec. and I found out that he got another woman pregnant . I wrote to him last week to see if he would tell me the truth and he has cut off all contact, blaming me for freaking out initially about the breakup and accusing him of things. He ripped out my heart and essentially stomped on it! I loved this man and had asked him prior to the breakup where things were headed. He said “he didn’t know.” What did I do wrong? Did I miss something? Was he cheating right along and it is just a coincidence that this girl is pregnant now?

    So hurt and confused……..I am not convinced that this girl isn’t lying to him but he won’t talk to me anymore.

    I’m not a fool, I’m just trying to deal with the pain he has caused and figure out where my life will go from here. Help……

  • shizzle December 26, 2011, 6:08 pm

    Grow up. You’re both immature. Go find a quick one night stand and then you will feel better.

  • Lauren December 27, 2011, 4:49 am

    Ok so I have been REALLY sad for the last couple of days because this guy I really really like told be he wanted to go out. Of course I said yes. He then later told me to STFU because I was annoying him to death. That really really hurt me and I really miss him. I don’t know what to do. I feel like my life is over. I have became less sociable and my family tries to talk to me but they just don’t understand what I am going through right now. A few weeks after that he talked to me again saying that he was sorry. But he said that my weirdness was annoying sometimes but it was my best feature. (Keep in mind I am only 14 years old so I’m pretty childish). I know I am still young and I have plenty of life ahead of me and I should move on. But I really like this guy and he really liked me. I don’t know what happened between us. We have been really good friends before we went out and he knew I was random and he liked me then. But I guess he doesn’t like me now. PLEASE help me. What should I do???

  • Jay Perry December 28, 2011, 4:45 pm

    I agree about the tip about staying scarce when you break up. I remember 4 years back when I broke up with a girl – I got drunk and then went on a texting rampage….. All it did was make things much worse as we exchanged insults for over half an hour… Avoid this at all costs please….

  • Nataly December 30, 2011, 8:29 am

    I went out with a guy 4 years ago. Our relationship didn’t even last a whole year. After we broke up, I went almost 2 weeks without eating anything. I barely came out of my room. To narrow it down I’ll just say that I didn’t do anything. I still wonder to this day, what happened between us. We haven’t even talked in since we’ve dated. Which has been 4 years. I don’t know what to do anymore. People have told me that he has a GF now. But I doubt it, since he said to me to stop looking at his butt, and I responded saying sorry, I couldn’t help in (which was in a sarcastic tone) which we both giggled after he said it. He knew I wasn’t looking, I just don’t know why he said it.

  • Billy December 30, 2011, 5:37 pm

    So, my gf basically wants nothing to do with me because I cheated on her with my first love. She was my second love, I just cant get over my first love. She told me that she just needs some time but it’s killing me. I want her but I still love my fist love also. What do I do?

    • Sally January 24, 2012, 12:55 pm

      Billy, you need to figure out who you really wanna be with before you can do anything else, ok?
      Be at peace & give yourself time then figure out who you really love.
      Good luck 🙂

    • Sabrina January 29, 2012, 7:31 am

      Leave her alone until you figure it out! If you’ve already hurt her once with this situation trying to get her back when you’re not sure who you want to be with is just selfish. Spend some time alone with neither of them to distract you and try to sort your thoughts out. Until you do that I think you should leave both of them out of it. It’s not easy but it’s honestly the best way to do it.

      • alios February 2, 2012, 4:23 pm

        If you ever love two people at the same time go for the second because you wouldn’t have fallen for the second if you loved the first.

    • Marcella February 2, 2012, 9:43 pm

      Billy I’m going through the same thing and I’ve been through it twice. Sally’s right just stick to the one you love more and have the most in common with.
      Best wishes:)

  • Andrew December 31, 2011, 8:02 pm

    My girlfriend and I have been in a complicated relationship for 14 months. Her friend tried setting me up by texting me as another girl. Stupidly, I had my ex’s friend’s number in my phone so I went along with it to make her feel stupid. It ended up back firing and my girlfriend dumped me. That same night I ended up flirting with my ex and it was only that night. I felt disgusting after so I stopped texting her. Me and My girlfriend ended up seeing each other, getting back with each other, and getting intimate. Then she saw the messages on my iPod and dumped me…. she said I cheated. But i didn’t. I really fucked up, really, really bad. I want her back and I need your help. Please tell me how to get her to see she needs me. She tells me she still does but won’t get back with me. I’m not on a suicidal verge yet, but I’m really lost, hurt and confused beyond anything. Please help me.

  • Tash January 1, 2012, 8:41 am

    My boyfriend of almost two years recently left me. He said things weren’t the same anymore and that he loved me but that he wasn’t happy. I was letting the stress of work, family, and college leak into our relationship and he said it made me too emotional and that he couldn’t deal with that. I don’t know what to do. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I’m constantly crying even when I try not to. I’m so desperate that I even paid a psychic to try and help. I need help. He is my best friend and my other half.

  • Taboo January 1, 2012, 11:21 am

    Well here’s the deal guys, I’ve been together with my fiance for the past 8 years. She left me in October and really hasn’t given me much of a reason why she left. For 8 years I’d do everything for her. Drive her and pick her up from work everyday, make her lunch or get her lunch, make dinner for her if I got home before her from work. I told her everyday at least once how beautiful I thought she was. Not smothering in the least but she was very clingy to me our whole relationship. We recently had our baby boy pass away last year. Worst time in our lives. The point is while I’m not perfect, I damn sure tried to be. But she is always putting a wall up and very rarely talks about her feelings. And now here we are, I’ve seen her 3 times in the past 3 months and she barely talks to me. I’ve found myself now being clingy and texting her pouring my heart out, basically all the things you shouldn’t do. I just can’t understand what she’s doing, barely an explanation, she’s not with anyone, she just basically threw me away like I’m garbage and has convinced herself that it’s OK.

  • Ryan January 4, 2012, 6:37 am

    Hey…me and my girlfriend just broke up today…for the third time…the first time we dated for 2 months and we ended because she thought I was jealous of her friends…the second time we dated for like 3 months and we broke up because she wanted another dude…that dude screwed her over so she came back to me and I was there..and we dated for a third time for about 2 months again and we broke up because she needed space and I couldn’t give it to her…I don’t get it:/…I could only see her once a week anyway and she needed more space:/…is there any hope for me getting her back again for good?…I’m so happy with her and she’s happy with me and she said she’ll always love me but we need to break up because she needs space…I don’t wanna be with anyone else…and I don’t even have the desire to be happy now that shes gone again.

    • Latoya February 14, 2012, 5:57 pm

      Hi Ryan, she not only broke up with you 1, 2 but 3 times? That should tell you a lot about a person. When someone doesn’t get their way or is not stable enough to commit to you like you are to them, then you need to remove yourself from the situation, point blank. No..it’s easy, but it’s better for you in the long run. Your heart and your body may want her, but your head needs to help you keep things into perspective or you will continue to have feelings for this girl time and time again and not know how to get out of the situation. Maybe, its for the thrill of breaking up and then getting back..but only to break back up again? Come on! You deserve better than that. If you can commit then you both need to commit. That is what a true relationship is all about. If there’s no abuse (verbal, physical) and you love each other, then you have to make the sacrifices to make it work and that means hanging in there when “you don’t feel like it” and when its not easy. If you continue to let her come back and leave, this will become a very unhealthy way to live and will break you down mentally. Do you want that? I am sure before you met her, you were a strong individual and independent now just because you fell for someone, and not that want to play with your head and emotions like you are some puppet doesn’t give them the control over your life and they are definitely not your life support. And she is not the person that controls your happiness either. You do that and can on your own! So I would definitely distance myself from her and work on YOU and build yourself back up. I hope that helped.

  • Leah Eckman January 6, 2012, 8:02 pm

    My ex boyfriend got bossy today and I got so mad at him. My other boyfriend was so nice to me so much but, the first one I so hate he doesn’t care about me.

  • Nick January 6, 2012, 10:20 pm

    That’s what happened to me too. Me and this girl I truly love dated for 6 months. It was the first time I had seen her after my birthday and then she decided to breakup. I think she lied to me because she said that she doesn’t even have enough time for a relationship. I can’t stand this anymore and don’t know what to do.

  • brandy January 7, 2012, 8:38 pm

    Ok so me and my ex were together for 9 years we have two kids together. 4 years ago we had a devastating break up. We lost our home and had to move in with his mom which didn’t last long they fought a lot and she wanted him out so he stayed with a friend while me and the kids stayed at his moms. The plan was to save some money to get another place together but he had this crazy idea that I should take our son and go 5 hours away to live with my mom for a couple months until tax return time. I felt it was a bad idea but did as asked one month later I found out I was pregnant with his second child we were both happy to hear the news he would come just about every two weeks to see us then month later I found out that he was talking to someone else I confronted him over the phone about it and found out it was true he said he was confused and didn’t know what he was doing that he loved me, we were soul mates but he had feelings for this girl he had just met. Another month goes by he marries her, there marriage lasts only a year, they got divorced and he comes back to me saying all the sweet things I wanted to hear so as you guessed it I took him back only to find two weeks later not only was he sleeping with me and saying he wanted to work things out but doing the same thing to his now ex wife….me and her confronted him and all ended…he moved on quickly and met a new girl, the relationship with her was rocky and off and on for almost two years which leads up to now last year he wanted a chance to get out of his Mom’s house, get a job and go to school. Well I just lost my roommate and so figured it would work out if I let him move in…its been hell I’m emotionally lost I love him so much but he plays mind games with me and makes up excuses to why he won’t get back with me. We both have done some growing up, well least on my part. He has been with other girls since he has been living with me. They are the friends with benefits. We have not been together in any way in 5 years now. He says he loves me but he is not in love with me. But he couldn’t imagine his life without me. I’m so freaking confused I love this man more then anything besides our kids. How can I get pass this or get him back? Any advice?

  • Anne January 8, 2012, 9:58 pm

    Hi,
    Wow, I didn’t know these websites existed! It is actually quite comforting to find strategies to move forward…..perhaps you have some specific ideas for me?

    Last week my fiance told me two days before our wedding day that he could no longer be with me and we had to cancel our whole wedding. The problem is, it was not just not marry but not be with me full stop. Inside I am very devastated. I obviously loved/love him and I am trying to respond in the most loving way I can which is killing me! He says he believes he got to a point where all his happiness had been stripped and he could no longer be with me however I know he was happy only a few weeks before the wedding if not days leading up to him pulling out. There were cultural differences which sometimes resulted in miscommunications and misunderstandings which were sometimes hard and played a roll in this week. I truly believe we are good together and really feel the stress of the wedding got to both of us. If this is the reason I think I should fight…but wonder if I should let him go and live if he feels I was really stripping him of his happiness. I do not want to do that to him. What are your thoughts?

  • John January 9, 2012, 2:05 am

    I’m trying so hard to get her back and she thinks I say the same stuff over and over again. And she actually gets pissed and she’s now talking in a different tone with me. She’s being short and just different after about a week ago since I broke up with her.. I want her back

  • mando January 9, 2012, 9:09 pm

    So my GF of 3 yrs dumped me, she said she was not ready to commit in relationship due to my daughter from a previous relationship. She said she needs to be single and not be with anyone. She still loves me and my daughter. I only see my daughter every other weekend and one a week. She told me she wants me to be there for her. I told I would and give her space. She still has pics of us on facebook and made a new album with pics of me and her. If she really wanted to move on with her life why does she sill want me around?

  • Julia January 10, 2012, 5:36 pm

    I’m so torn up inside, I feel empty. Two months ago, my ex broke up with me. And I figured out afterwards that it was because he was a huge player- he had never been in a relationship for more than a few months, except ours. I think he’s afraid of commitment and being serious. But regardless, I was crushed. The day he broke with me, he went out and got a new girlfriend. That really killed me inside. But I didn’t say anything to him about it, I actually didn’t talk to him at all. He didn’t want to talk to me. He started texting me once a day, just saying Hey. Then, when I answered, he said he was happy with her and asked how it was being single. He’s played games with me since we met, and usually I don’t let that happen, but I’ve never met someone so manipulative and good at it as he is. So I stopped talking to him again, not risking being played with. But even though I hate what he’s done to me, I know I can never be as happy as I was when he was in my arms. I want him back, but I don’t know what to do. He texts me “hey” occasionally, but I know once we start talking he’s just going to tell me about his ex and how he used to love me and it won’t help me get him back at all. But I can’t just do nothing…

  • Anonymous January 11, 2012, 1:51 pm

    I went out with my BF for 9 months and out of the blue he told me yesterday he wanted change and liked hanging out with his friends. We both go to school together but he lives on west coast and I live on east coast. He plans on going back home in 2 years after school. Do you think there’s any hope or just going through a phase because we were fine and happy and I was blind sided.

  • Brittany jud January 11, 2012, 10:36 pm

    Me and boyfriend broke up like almost a year ago…he was actually my longest relationship and I loved him so much:( dated for 11 months.. I’ve been in other relationship after him clearly not happy! I’m always thinking about him.. it’s so hard to move on:( I text him and he always takes forever to reply. Seems he hates my guts.. I don’t know anymore what to do anymore. I think it’s time for me to move on maybe?

  • Shannon January 12, 2012, 5:20 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me, by text, at 4 o’clock this morning. We waited for each other for 4 years, both single when the other wasn’t and vice versa. We finally got together and it was the most wonderful relationship I’ve ever been in. Then he texts me, says he’s not ready for a relationship, and ends it. I’m going out of my mind. I don’t know what to do. I can’t sleep or eat or anything and I want to cry but it’s almost like my body won’t let me. The problem is, earlier that night we went out to a movie and I cooked us a romantic supper and everything was great. We were laughing and talking and having a wonderful time. I don’t know how to deal with this.

  • Matthew January 14, 2012, 9:32 am

    My ex broke up with me 4 months ago, and I think it might be too late to get her back. I was terrible to her, but I didn’t mean it. I hurt her so bad, and I would do anything to make it up to her. I have already done all the things that are not supposed to be done. I wish I could take all the pain I cause her away, but I can’t turn time backwards. I want to be with her more than anything in the world, I would marry her if she would have me, but more than anything, I just want her to be happy. I wish she would give me one more chance.

  • Amalie Spanggaard January 14, 2012, 2:43 pm

    Hi there 🙂
    First of all I would like to say that I love your website – its quite awesome!!

    I am a Danish girl who is utterly in love with my Albanian ex boyfriend… We both go to the same international school here in DK and I met him in the beginning of the school year, where things started between us – taken that this was in the beginning we didn’t know each other very well but were very attracted to each other. He is very, very handsome and I’m not exactly the only girl who thinks so and he seemed to like the girl attention a bit too much and I guess I got quite jealous and that was where the problems started because he didn’t show me that he truly cared like other guys did (his good friend) and my ex got very jealous and mad at me because he thought I liked his friend better than him. But of course I didn’t I just needed the comfort in a way. And I know that was wrong but yeah… Anyways we finally solved our problems and for a while we were really good together and had sex for the first time – it was my first but not his (he is 2 years older than me) after that things got a little weird because we didn’t really talk about it and we both assumed the wrong things about the situation. We didn’t talk for a little while and he started not coming to school for a little while. He wouldn’t really reply when I texted him and things went downhill…. After that at a school party we got in a fight and one of my very drunk friends punched him in the face because she misunderstood something he’d said to me.

    A few days after someone told me that he’d slept with a girl from his class the night we got in a fight. I confronted him with it but he wouldn’t answer me, so things kind of ended. I started dating one of mine and his friends- it was such a big mistake really!!! Because he was my rebound and I regret it a lot. My “ex boyfriend” doesn’t want to talk to me and he hasn’t since that happened.

    I have no idea about what to do because I want him back so badly…! But I don’t know how… Do you have any good advise please???

    – A

  • Tom January 15, 2012, 11:25 am

    Me and my girlfriend broke up because people kept stirring things and telling us both that the other person was doing things behind their back, I told my girlfriend that people had been saying things and she seemed shocked and said that the same people had been telling her that I had been doing things. People kept saying stuff that seemed to be to try and split us up and they wouldn’t stop. After a while my girlfriend saw her ex up town and she didn’t keep this a secret from me and she was honest and said that she did still have feelings for him. Over the past 2 years (before we started seeing each other) he had been sending her big texts about how he felt but when she started talking to me, she ignored his texts and removed him from facebook, however, after seeing him up town she felt guilty for ignoring him because he was always talking to her, this was a bit strange for me because my girlfriend was talking to her ex whilst she was still going out with me. He kept sending her texts saying things like ‘no one will ever love you as much as me’ and he was really trying to get back with her but she kept telling me she wouldn’t leave me even though she still did have some feelings for him. After about 2 weeks, people stirring things all the time and seeing her ex got a bit too much and it was making us have little arguments and not get along as well as we did before and I kept worrying because I don’t live near her, she lives down near Essex and I love up north near Leeds so although I trusted her, I couldn’t help thinking things when we weren’t together. So it got a little too much so we decided to go on a break and not talk to each other for a while and give each other some space. Obviously I had a lot of things on my mind and so kept texting her over and over again and eventually, me being a bit clingy, her being confused about her ex and people stirring things led to us coming to an ‘agreement’ that it was for the best if we split up.

    This was on the 2nd of January. Both me and my girlfriend were really upset about this, it was so awful because we really did love each other and we still do but she also admitted to me that she loves her ex too and maybe a bit more than me which hurt me so much but I was happy that she was honest with me. I had a lot of things on my mind but every time I tried talking to her about feelings, she stopped replying to me which was really hard because I had a lot of questions on my mind but eventually I asked her if she would answer them because it was hurting and she eventually did answer them. Me and her are still really close and love each other and we can still have a laugh over the phone because she said she never wants to lose me because she knows how close we can still be. After looking at this website, I have stopped texting her my feelings and saying I love her and begging for her back and I have decided to just not talk to her at all unless she speaks to me and then I will answer her, this seems to be working as it was always me who started the conversation but now even after just waiting a day, she started talking to me on facebook and asked me to ring her because she was really missing our phone calls. She said that she was missing me and that she thinks we are getting better and that she gets excited when I come on facebook now like she did when we first started talking so it is getting better between us again. I still can’t stop thinking about her though and when I see her say I love you to her ex on facebook, it really gets to me and other guys try flirting with her on facebook and whenever I see any of this stuff, it really makes me want to talk to her but I know it will make things worse again because I will come across as moaning and not being able to come with her. It seems like this not starting the conversation plan is really working. I was just wondering what you think of the whole situation and what you think I should do next? Thanks.

  • alyssa January 17, 2012, 2:11 pm

    Isaac, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I broke up with my boyfriend after 4 months. After 4 months apart we realized we NEEDED each other. So we decided to get back together. We dated for another 3 months before I moved 1500 miles away from him and had to break his heart again and all I wanted to have him back. But he dos now have a girlfriend…..my advice to you is you need to be honest with her. She could be feeling the same way but doesn’t know how to tell you. You make the first move and be completely honest. Who knows maybe 4 time’s a charm. Good luck.

  • Sabrina January 19, 2012, 10:21 pm

    I would just like some advice my husband of 5 years (together for 8) cheated on me back in August 2011. I found out on 6th September 2011. I threw him out, day after he begged me to take him back I said no, end of September he came back to me for 2 weeks (didn’t move back in though). He then finished it and said it won’t work because of our family’s and the money problems we have had. He then tells me he has decided to go back to the person he cheated on me with, who is younger than me and also my husband. She’s 19 with 2 young children to 2 different dads!! I am 33 and my husband is 25 I have 4 children but only 1 of them is with my husband. He texts me everyday, has tried it on a few times when he’s been round to see our 6 year old son he tells me he still loves me and has feelings for me but they aren’t the same as he had. He tells me he loves her but would never want to move in with her or have the commitment he had with me. Just wondered if anyone had been in the same situation as me or you’re a guy who’s been in the same situation as my husband is in now? Would it last between him and his new GF? Would he ever try again to get back with me? I was his first proper love and his first for everything, I was the love of his life he was only 17 when we got together. I still love him even after he’s broken my heart. Just need some advice off some one who’s been in the same situation as me or my husband if you’re a guy reading this!! Thanks Sabrina  x

  • Chris January 29, 2012, 12:42 pm

    this is all general tips people….remember that, it is not 100 percent going to work. In fact, his percentage is wrong its likely going to be less than 90 percent. Also if a person is stupid enough to break up with you rather than set aside the problem and find a compromise on both ends……then perhaps you should consider that they’re not of the right mindset to be with you in a relationship anyhow…..people preach a lot that they want a relationship that lasts and will actually have the wrong attitudes and expectations for a lasting relationship in the first place…..